Field Notes

Since breaking up with Mr. Rock Climber, I've been on 10 dates. There was even one weekend I decided to go on 3 dates, with 3 different guys, in 3 days back to back to back. Yeah, I literally had a triathlon of dates. Endurance athlete = endurance dating. Don't worry, I've been training hard, had a game plan, executed it perfectly, and nailed my nutrition and hydration. I even took a page out of triathlon/backpacking training.....made sure I tested out all outfits before. Nothing new on race date day. ;)

So for February & March.....here are a few of my "Field Notes" on my research:

Date 1-Liquid Diet: I understand that first dates can be slightly intimidating and all....but when you down 8 bourbons on the rocks in a couple of hours....I'm going to think you are an alcoholic. When you tell me how nervous you are, I am completely empathetic and I respect the honesty. Don't get me wrong, I like my wine and beer, but these days I don't need to get plowed at dinner. When you tell me you also have a flask on you and thats why you've been going to the men's room so often, is to chug more whiskey.....now I KNOW you are an alcoholic. Yes, I am judging you on how much you drink. I am no longer impressed by how many alcoholic beverages you can consume before vomiting or how long you can do a keg stand for. Try college girls if that is the best game you got.

Date 3-Stealth Attack: I know making moves on the female kind is a little scary, but please......for the love of all that is holy and sacred, if you're not sure if your physical overtures will be welcomed or not, just F'ing ask. Do not grab me by the hips and pull me on to your lap as I'm walking away....1.) I am not a F'ing lap dog.  2.) Nor am I a stripper trying to give you a lap dance....that is me flailing desperately to get off and escape from your clammy clutches. Now since I did not reciprocate any of your advances and feel wholly violated, all I want to do is go home. So, again......do not grab me as I'm trying to get in my car, wrap me in a bear hug and start mugging down on me. (becasue I was trying to avoid his lips on mine, I kept moving my head around trying to get away-I felt like he was slobbering all over my face and he was about to eat me.) Gross. Since trying to push you away wasn't sending the message to your oafish brain.......how about an elbow to the throat? Yep. That did the trick......how'd my bony ass elbow feel right into the wind pipe? Seriously?! WTF is up with the stealth attacks from behind? Don't have enough balls to attack me while facing me? Not cool. He was lucky I didn't pull the T combo on him.....it's what I call my "spray & shank". (spray face full of mace and a knife in the gut) Yes, I carry mace and a knife in my Louis Vuitton purse and if you get blood on my LV purse you owe me a new one.

Intermission: When I'm on vacation, please don't blow up my phone. I'm on vacation trying to enjoy my limited time away from work and the metromess. If you send me a couple of texts and I don't answer back, that means I'm either busy or ignoring you. That does not mean to send me 20 text messages in a row to get my attention. I got it the first time around, I don't need 19 more messages telling me the same damn thing. I don't give a shit that you miss me. Isn't it obvious I don't feel the same because I haven't even replied? I'm out having fun and ENJOYING my vacation......just because I vacation alone does not mean I'm lonely and pining over your sorry ass. When I finally get home and I tell you we are just better off as friends......don't send me a video of you singing a love song. Lame. You are lucky I'm not a complete bitch because I could have posted that shit online and made you a YouTube star. I did show my BF's though, so I have eyewitnesses.

Date 6-Getting Chicked: I understand that first impressions are important and that men want to impress women with how "manly" they are. I'm fairly adventurous and active so I would love to find a guy that has similar passions. So this particular first date, I was pretty excited because my date threw this at me:

Date: "So, I'm a very avid outdoorsman, love traveling and going on adventures and constantly on the go because I want to see as much of the world as I can. I'm at home in the back country completely roughing it. Need to find someone that can hang, so do you think you are up for the challenge?"


Alright! Now this is what I'm talking about. It's definitely hard to find guys that aren't a bunch of metro-sexual, affliction wearing, 30k douche bag wussies in the metroplex. So, I of course excitedly ask him about his latest "adventure" because he said he just got back in town from camping.

Date: "Yeah, I apologize if I'm a bit tired. I camped out at Lake Texoma and my legs are sooooo shredded from the 5 miles of hiking I did this weekend."


*Initial excitement starts to fade*

Me: "Oh, Lake Texoma, huh? I went there a few times in college. So you hiked in 5 miles and then camped?" 

Date: "Nah. I set up camp first and then went on a 5 mile hike."

*confused face*

Me: "So.......you didn't carry all your gear in with you?"

Date: "Oh no. I have way too much stuff. My SUV was loaded to the brim with firewood, cooler, speaker system, gear and ect."

*excitement has officially plummeted*

Me: "So, you car camped."

I continue to ask about his other "adventures" and travels that he has been on and come to find out he has only been to Canada and Taos, NM to ski. He def has me on skiing and snowboarding but he over inflated his outdoor & traveling studliness. He only car camps around TX and goes with 5-11 other people with a longest hike of 5 miles in a day. Which, there is nothing wrong with car camping or a 5 mile hike but when you throw out words like "avid outdoorsman", "explore the world", "at home completely roughing it in the back country" and "can you hang?".......my expectations are of Bear Grylles trapeising around the world hopping from one crazy outdoor adventure to the next and you also just threw down a challenge for me. Anybody that knows me, knows that if you throw down the gauntlet at my feet.....you better get the hell out of my way if you know what is good for you.

Date: *now a little irritated at my lack of interest in his stories* "So, what have you done?"

What? Oh...... Game. On. I proceeded to tell him a few of my adventures........needless to say he got chicked. Big time.

I'm not saying I am the most outdoorsy or adventurous person out there. I feel like I still have a lot more to learn and experience but when you gloat about being an "avid outdoorsman" and then ask if I can hang? But all you do is car camp? Failboat. That's like me bragging that I'm an avid golfer, but just play putt putt every once in awhile. I pretty much T-bagged him with my bigger cajones. Yeah, I just said that.....what?


Men, take note. Things not to do (actual things that have happened):
1.) No video's of you singing love songs......unless you are Justin Timberlake.
2.) No pictures of your man hood. Anticipation is half the fun.
3.) Do not blow up my phone if I don't answer immediately. I have a full time job and active life.
4.) Don't get jealous that I hang out with other men. One of my bff's is a guy and he is my riding partner, which means we spend many hours together riding.....bikes, not each other so keep the jealousy down.
5.) Don't fish for lots of compliments. If you need your ego constantly stroked, it just shows how insecure you are.
6.) Do not maul me or I might be forced use the "T combo".
7.) Do not order for me. I'm a big girl and can order my own food thanks.
8.) Do not over inflate your accomplishments nor underestimate me, and when you get chicked, take it like a man.
9.) Do not try to get on my bike or spin the cranks.....there are only 3 people allowed to touch my bike. That is myself, Mr. Bike Snob (Jason), and Gary (bike fitter). Yes, I'm anal retentive and have OCD.
10.) Don't ask me for my opinion and then get butt hurt if you can't handle my bluntness & honesty. I tell it how I see it.

Personal Lessons:
So, what have I learned through my marathon of dates (besides that I ate really well)? I've met some really cool guys that I would love to stay friends with (nothing wrong with being friend zoned) but I've also run into some jerks that kind of turn me off to the opposite sex. It takes that right mixture of timing, chemistry and attraction, ect for me to want to be in a relationship. After this last block of dating, and being really honest with myself....I'm perfectly happy being alone right now. Actually, I really excel being alone (because I don't have to compromise :P). I usually feel weighed down and hindered when in a relationship anyways (except for one). So, that tells me that I shouldn't waste my time in a relationship if it doesn't feel right in the early stages. I'm going to take a break (my asshole friends will have to find amusement somewhere else) since I'm about to be out of the country for almost 3 weeks on my yeti hunt (aka Nepal trip!!!! T minus 12 days!!!) Like I said, not in any rush and I already live a full happy life without a significant other.

My Message:
To my single friends.....don't ever settle because you're scared to be alone. Don't wait to chase your dreams & passions. Just go for it. Almost every one of my dates have told me this same line to varying degrees:

"I've always wanted to do "X", but don't have anybody to do it with. So that's why I haven't done it yet"  

Whaaat!? When I hear men say this, I automatically think: "Stop being a little bitch and do it." What I'm trying to so eloquently say is, don't wait to live life. Learn to be happy on your own, live the life that you want NOW and when the right person comes, they will help enhance your happiness. So many people think that getting a gf/bf/fiance/ect is the only way to be happy and experience life. You only have one life to live and it's too short to spend it waiting around and being unhappy.