Dating is like........

Making your way through a minefield. How do you proceed? Cautiously and carefully trying to avoid all explosives that might hurt you? With a mine detector to alert you to impending doom? Or rush right in with complete disregard on what you step on? You could possibly step on a mine that will blow you up to smithereens or trip upon a dud and land on your face. But what do you find once you get past the minefield? Apparently, I like playing in the minefield.....I run back and forth, back and forth. Hell, I might as well set up shop and sell Gatorade to all the other contenders. :)

I find myself constantly torn between wanting to date seriously and not. I'm a strange (sweaty-she) beast, I know. I may or may not have slight commitment issues. Ok, big may. One of the many reasons: I was in a rocky, tumultuous 6 year relationship with my college bf, Mr. Onion Hater. I was miserable, he was miserable and if we would had stayed together and gotten married *shudder* it would have been just F'ing terrible for both of us. We met our Freshmen year in college and at the time we had similar interests (i.e. drinking & partying) and ran in the same circle of friends, got into the usual college freshmen shenanigans. We were that drama filled couple with obnoxiously loud screaming fights. Punches may or may not have been thrown at one point or another. Many broken cell phones, holes in walls, got exiled from his Frat house, lot's of nasty things said, ect.  If there was a list of top 10 couples for fighting and drama at our college, we would taken dis-honorable mention slot # 2. I am an absolute terror when pissed off and he knew exactly what buttons to push me over the edge. A lot of the drama and fighting were due to my insecurities, massive amounts of alcohol, and lack of maturity on both ends. It was really my first serious relationship. It wasn't all horrible, I won't go into details but we should have broken up a lot sooner. I have no regrets, learned so much from that relationship, about myself, men and commitment in general. That relationship ending was one of the best things that has happened to me. At the time of the break up I was so clouded in anger and grief I couldn't see that, but now in hindsight, it really was. Seriously.....I can't even fathom being in that relationship again. Ever. I would rather spoon my eyes out with a plastic spork.

I find myself single at the beginning of 2012 (pattern much?). Ok, so I didn't "find" myself in this position, I chose to be single. Mr. Rock Climber was really sweet and we had a lot of fun but it just didn't work out, so I ended it after a few months. Where as Mr. Alaska seemed so perfect on paper, Mr. Rock Climber was all wrong on paper, but I wanted to try something different. He and I came from two different worlds, two different educational backgrounds, two different socio-economic classes, two different views on life, just too different. He was really a good person, hard working and good morals. He had a son, and usually that is a big red flag for me but I decided to give it a shot. Hey, I'm all about trying things once in life. I must have had a BIG mental lapse. Yeah......I'm sooooo not ready to be "stepmom T". Seriously, what the hell was I even thinking? I don't even like kids and refer them as "fuck trophies". To be very frank, I really wasn't fully emotionally invested in this relationship (yes, my BF's called me out on it) although, I rarely am fully emotionally invested in most relationships. I may or may not be slightly emotional stunted (walls much?). I probably didn't go about the break-up very smoothly or gracefully (I'm not exactly known for my timing or word choice) but break-ups are rough and not fun for either party. Ok, I was the asshole this time around. There, I said it.

I have no problem hiking out in the back country alone, jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, or leaping off a cliff into water that I have no idea how deep it is........but the thought of being stuck in a miserable marriage, raising 2.5 children and a labadoodle is absolutely terrifying for me. Not having the ability to chase after my passions scare the hell out of me. I don't care how nice or big the gilded cage is......if I don't have the freedom & independence to do what I want, I'll suffocate. After each relationship, I become more & more fiercely protective of my independence and freedom.  Besides my job, me, myself & I.......I pretty much don't have any other responsibilities. I'm selfish.....I totally admit that. I like being able to do what I want with my free time and money. I don't do very well with being told what to do or "no" (just ask my poor wonderful boss....haha). But under all the jaded cynicism, I know I'll find that one right guy who fits me in all of my eccentric glory to share my life and adventures with. I'm not one to settle and I know I can be picky. I'm not looking for Mr. Money bags, a knight in shining armor or a super model, but I have a pretty good idea on what I don't want. Not in any rush. A wise man once told me it's not the destination but the journey, so this could be a long F'ing ride! ;)

I'm back in the dating scene and already in a couple of months I've provided my best friends with a plethora of outrageous and entertaining stories. I swear they keep me around as the token single friend for sheer amusement. Assholes. I need new friends.

Stay tuned for "boots heels on the ground" research.........

Oklahoma 3/17-3/18

"OOOOk-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain,
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet, When the wind comes right behind the rain"

This was just a short trip to see a dear old sorority sister, Mrs. No Gallbladder (Amanda had hers removed in college) whom I hadn't seen in almost three years. We were not only sorority sisters but we were also room mates our Junior & Senior years. Funny back story........ Junior year we decided to room with 2 other sorority sisters at the time, in a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom college apartments called Sun Watcher Square. I didn't really know MNG all that well because we ran in different cliques in sorority at the time. I was taking summer classes so I was able to move in a bit earlier and the room originally assigned to me was not to my liking. Soooo, I took MNG's because I liked it better (I know....I'm such a brat). She moved in a few days after I did and I had already settled in.....conversation happened like this:

MNG: "Hey.....ummm.......you know you are in my room, right?"
Me: "Yeah, I know. I took it"
MNG: "Uh.................*silence* ok"

Now mind you, MNG is 6 feet tall and has a pretty intimidating scowl and could have probably easily squished me like a bug. That move was pretty terrible, I know. I wonder how I have friends sometimes. Anyways, even after bullying my new roomie and stealing her room, we became best buds. (I later made up for it by giving her the bigger master bed room in our apt our Sr year).

Anyways, she was there to celebrate her Mother's 50th B-day and asked me to come on up to play.  Took about 3 hours to make the drive to OKC where I got to catch up with MNG. Did some shopping at the outlet malls (found a super hot dress for Vegas at BCBG!!!) and ate at some hole in the wall Mexican joint that had the best freaking sopapillas!!!! Mouth O!!! We hit up Bricktown (OKC hotspot) for some St. Patty's day fun. Chilled, listened to a mediocre cover band and watched the drunken idiots make asses of themselves. Apparently, St. Patty's is the spring "Halloween" where it is acceptable to wear lingerie as outerwear. Ugh.......I'm getting old and (more) ornery. Later that night we hit up OKC Cowboy with her mom and her group of best friends. Can I tell you they were a freaking riot? I haven't been to a country bar in ages........$4.25 for a double top shelf vodka and soda & quarter beers......WINNING! Duh. That tab was awesome........reminded me back of good 'ole college prices. After a while we got hungry and decided that Taco C sounded a lot more appealing than the bar and grabbed some dirty (but tasty) fast food across the street. Great quick weekend trip to see a great friend.

Smoky Mountain Trip Report: 2/23/12-2/27/12

First trip of 2012! Woo!

Summer and Fall are busy season in Great Smoky Mtn National Park with over 9 million visitors coming through a year. (Random Fact: GSMNP is one of the only FREE NP's in the system: http://www.nps.gov/grsm/planyourvisit/whyfree.htm) My expectations of finding solitude were non-existent even coming in during the "off season", but I wanted to see the Smoky's dammit!

Flew into Knoxville and picked up my *snicker* bitchin wheels. A Kia Soul. Yeah.....well, I Hotwired it for $14 a day! I decided to stay in a hotel this go around because I am not completely comfortable in my winter backpacking skills especially alone. My adventure into Northern NM last year where we ran into 2-3 feet of snow in the higher elevations showed how badly lacking my winter backpacking skills are. I still have a lot to learn for cold weather backpacking. Anyways, last year was a really bad winter for most of the East Coast. I had decided on doing this trip in February back in December  and didn't know what the weather conditions would be like. This year has been a fairly mild winter for the lower 48 due to La Nina.

Pigeon Forge: a petri dish of tacky themed restaurants & entertainment advertised by bright gaudy neon blinking signs that were about to give me seizures. Pretty much, Las Vegas's smaller, less sophisticated, uglier, un-popular, red-headed 7th cousin. I get it......it's a tourist trap for families with 2.5 children. Anyways, I already booked my hotel here (free with my points) so I was stuck. No matter, I pretty just much slept and ate here.

Day 1: Noah Bud Ogle, Twin Creek, Sugarland Trails

Got into PF, got checked in early at noon (Priority Member....Woot!), dropped of my stuff, grabbed my gear and off to the trails I went! Now I am an A+++, anal retentive person. I am usually the person that researches the hell out of everything, has a list of places I want to see, eat, ect. Not this time around. I didn't even trip advise my hotel (Holiday Inn Express are pretty consistent though), I def did not know that Pigeon Forge was an atrocity to the senses......well, if I researched it I would have found that Dollyland was located there and that would have clued me in. Anyways, I didn't even really know what hikes I wanted to do. I had a tentative list, my trusty Falcon Guide book on GSMNP trails and my Iphone to navigate. I literally picked one out of the book and drove there. I got to the parking lot and there wasn't a single car! The first hike wasn't stunning with mountain vistas or leg shredding elevation, but it was nice, peaceful and quiet. The trail followed a stream and had some replica's of old pioneer buildings. Most exciting thing I saw were wild turkeys! Gobble-gobble! I did 4 miles and didn't see a single soul until I got back to a car when a minivan from Louisiana pulled up and 3 kids came spilling out. (Phew. Everyone knows how much I love kids!) I got back in the car and decided to stop by the visitor's center for some info and when I got there, there was a sign for a nature trail. Okie dokie, found my next little walk. Did maybe 1.2 miles, very easy relaxing walk to cataract falls and there were a bunch of interpritive plaques along the way.

Day 2: Alum Cave Trail to Mt. Leconte


The first day was literally a walk in the park.....the second day.....not so much. This was one of the hikes that I HAD to do. It is also one of the most popular as well because it has 2 well known interest points. Alum Caves at 4.6 miles round trip and Mt. Leconte Lodge at 11 miles round trip with most people opting for the shorter hike. I knew to beat the crowds I was going to have to hit the trail head early and I knew that this was going to take up most of my day. I made it around 9:00 AM starting at lower elevation at 29 degrees F. Buuurrrr. Nice, I love hiking when it's cold and brisk out. I actually found some solitude which was quite surprising given the reputation of how crowded this hike gets. I passed a couple of hikers and a few passed me but it wasn't the theme park line I thought it was going to be. Met some nice people on the trail and chatted a bit. Just a perfect day for a hike, went my own pace, stopped to take pictures, just enjoyed being outside and soaked in the scenery. The hike to Alum Cave was pretty gentle and followed a river for the most part. Lot's of bridge crossings but nothing too technical. After Alum Caves, the real fun started. The climb got noticeably steeper and parts of the trail had some ice. YESSSSS! Micro crampon time! One of my favorite pieces of gear! :) About 2- miles from the summit, I met a father and daughter from FL chugging along to the top. The

daughter was about 9 years old and was sooo freaking cute and was a little hiking machine. Now, I don't normally like kids, but this one was a girl after my own heart. Stubborn, tenacious, outdoorsy and blunt. Kind of reminds me of someone.......They were really nice so I decided to hike with them to the top (plus there were signs warning of bear activity......). The father was an engineer and had hiked the Smokies pretty exclusively so he knew a lot about the area. Got my own personal tour guide, ha! When we got to the top he showed me Myrtle Point, High Top and Cliff Top (which I would not have known about) that added a couple of miles to the standard 11 miles to Leconte Lodges. The actual summit of Mt Leconte is pretty anti-climatic.....it is literally a big pile of rocks. The story is, some people wanted Mt. Leconte to be the highest peak in the Smokies (currently 3rd) and some good humored hikers started piling rocks at the summit. The real views are found at Myrtle Point and Cliff Tops with sweeping vistas of the Smoky Mountains. While hiking I usually build up a sweat....no, seriously....I am a sweaty sweaty she beast. I was in a few layers, no thermals (because I wanted to test out some new "hiking" panties and just didn't think about how cold it would be at elevation, doh!), light gloves, neck gaiter, beanie and was ok hiking up. When I made it to the top where the mountain was exposed like Cliff Top, the winds were howling 20-30 miles, air temp at 17 degrees and wind chill feel like temps at 0. Ugh....not one of my brightest moments. Winds felt like little pin needless stabbing my legs and butt, my hands had gone numb.....can we say "asking for hypothermia"? I also got summit fever and the closer we got to the top the less I drank and I hadn't eaten anything yet (which is weird b/c I'm always hungry). Needless to say after a harrowing steep decent down the iced over trail from Cliff Tops, I was freezing and starving. We found a picnic table by the lodges, where I finally put on my thicker gloves, down jacket and rain jacket to block out the wind and tore into our food. Since I was doing a poor job of re-hydrating myself, the water in my camelbak hose froze completely solid. Good thing for my back up water bottle (which had ice chips in it as well). I would've killed for a hot drink. It was so cold and windy I inhaled my food and decided to descend without my new found trail friends because my body was starting to go numb sitting there. The decent was pretty fast because I was half jogging to get warmed back up again. I did slip on some ice because of bad footing and I decided to slow my roll. I am incredibly clutzy (I have the grace of a cow on ice) and I do have a healthy dose of fear of slipping on a mountain. It's happened a few times before.....Anyways, made it back safely without any serious incidents. 13+ miles, 2,835 ft of elevation in about 8 hours. It was an amazing day.

 Day 3: Spruce Flat Falls & Gatlinburg

 On day 3, my goal was to do 2 shorter day hikes and explore Gatlinburg for the rest of the day because I knew my legs would probably be pretty shredded from day 2. The night before, I sat down and did some quick research on which hikes to do and I wanted to find waterfalls. First hike of the day was Spruce Flat Falls (not so flat, btw....at least it didn't feel like it) and woke up early to get to the trail head before anybody else. Found the TH,

started off going up hill over a few switchbacks. This particular hike wasn't the most scenic until I hit the waterfalls. I was the only one there. BOOM! Early bird gets the worm. Took off my pack and climbed on the boulders and rocks, played around in the water a bit (it was nippy) and just enjoyed having the falls completely to myself. The sound of rushing water is just really relaxing, I was just listening to the falls and enjoying how peaceful it was. After 30 minutes of enjoying the falls to myself, I decided to head out so I could find my next trail. Last quarter mile of the hike I ran into a line of 20 people headed to the falls. YES! I beat the rush. *bigstupidgrinonmyface*. Hike # 2 was Grotto Falls, and as I got to the road to turn onto it was closed. Mother F*$%er! Big failboat on my part.......hiking guide clearly states trail is closed until mid March. I blame my blind crappy, slanty, asian eyes. *Sigh* At this point I was a bit frustrated and hungry so I decided to just head to Gatlinburg to eat and explore. Had a stack of waffles and ham, then headed down the main street of Gatlinburg. Gatlinburg wasn't as garish as PF, but there were herds hoards lot's of F'ing people, mmmkay? I literally went from fudge & candy shop to fudge & candy shop sampling my way through Gatlinburg. O.M.G. Fresh fudge and candy are the BOMB-diggity. I don't even know how many mouth orgasm's I had. After a few hours of wandering the streets, a tummy ache from eating my way through the town, legs were screaming, and made a big dent in my wallet buying sweets for my friends & family, I decided to head back to the my hotel at PF.

Day 4: Chimney Tops

This was my last day in the Smokey's and I was hell bent determined in getting one last mini-adventure before heading back to the metromess. My flight didn't leave until 4:10 PM so I knew if I woke up early enough I could squeeze one last hike. I had already arranged a late check out (priority member= princess get's her way) so I could still clean up after my hike. The other hike I knew I "had" to do, was Chimney Tops, another of one of the most popular hikes in the park. Not super long at 4 miles RT, but the elevation gain was 1,700+ in the first 2 miles and the scramble/rock climb to the summit had me intrigued. I decided to do this on Monday morning as opposed to the weekend based on Falcon Guide's advice because I had read it could get very crowded and to beat the masses: 1.) go during off season, 2.) on a weekday, 3.) early in the morning. Headed out early after breakfast and found myself alone on the trail again. Who says you can't find solitude in the busiest national park in the US?

Pffft. Lot's of river crossings and the first mile was a "gentle" uphill. At 1.1 miles, it all changes. That was a seriously tough .9 miles and with over 25 miles in my legs, they were a little pissed off. Other than my legs giving me the big middle finger, I felt pretty strong. I swear whoever designed this trail has never heard of a switchback. By the time you hit a couple of switchbacks your are already close to the top and it levels out. Kind of evil. Besides me cursing like usual, this hike was beautiful. I got to the base of Chimney Tops and time for the final push. Now on a normal, good weather day this climb is pretty harrowing for the non uber climbers. This particular day was cloudy, foggy and misty (trailhead sign warns of dangers of climbing the Tops when rock is wet). Ummm, I did not bust my ass and hike all the way up there not to make it to the top. I was going for it. To hell with warnings, danger signs and common sense. I sometimes have more balls than brains. I strapped my poles to my pack, tightened the straps and up I went. I'm a very beginner rock climber and feel pretty comfortable on the walls with harness, ropes and a belayer. Erm. I had

me, myself and I. To make things worse (besides the slick wet rock) I was a little unbalanced with my day pack and big chunky hiking boots don't really allow me to smear or get my foot in the right position and I wasn't tied down to anything. So if I fell, it would've probably hurt.....a lot. Yeah, I had the epiphany half way up. After a few close calls and life flashing before my eye moments, I made it to the top. Breathtaking. (ok, that might have been mostly the climb). Not the ideal day to see the surrounding mountains with low visibility due to fog but I was so happy to have made it to the top without breaking my neck and I had the summit completely to myself! I don't know how to explain the rush of adrenaline, endorphin, and dopamine bombarding me. I love that feeling, that intensity coursing through my veins, all senses heightened, tingling sensation all over my body. I was literally high on life, as cliche as that is. As I was being introspective, the sensation was only deepened by the fact that I did it alone (again) and I reveled in the fact that I am completely at ease by myself, in my own skin, in my own thoughts and love who I am for all my flaws and weaknesses. (I'm slightly confident....what?). If I were a dude, I probably would have had a hard on with how freaking happy I was in that particular moment. I sat on top with the biggest damn grin on my face, just so stoked to have the health & means to see and experience all that I do and once again reflected on another amazing trip.