Oh, how I love the smell of nervous anxiety and the carnage of crushed egos. Ah yes.....back playing in the minefield and here are my field notes part deux.
Pro Tips:
The other day, Aunt T called and she asked what I was up to. I was actually headed to a date and here was our conversation that followed:
Aunt T: "Ok, Tania......remember be sweet and nice. Men like sweet girls. Oh, and don't cuss so much......be a lady."
Me: "What? So you want me to be fake? Isn't the right thing to do is be myself?"
Aunt T: "Yes, of course be yourself.....just not so mean. You need to make the man feel like he is smarter, stronger and more surperior to you"
Me: "Bullshit. If a man is smarter, stronger and superior to me, then he will be. I'm not going to dumb it down in any catergory just to make him feel better. If a man can't take me for who I am, then he's too big of a sissy and I don't want him."
Aunt T: "With that attitude, no man will want you."
Me: "Wait.....why am I taking advice from you? Who do you think I learned to be so mean from?"
Aunt T: "I've changed. That's how I got my boyfriend and he adores me."
Me: "You haven't changed......you just yelled at me the other day! So you ARE being fake. He adores your big fake boobies and putting his pecker in your hot little 20 year old body!"
Aunt T: "TANIA!!!! That's not nice. This is what I mean. You need to treat men nicer. They have very frail egos and are like eggs and if you are too hard they'll crack."
Me: "I'm not going to pretend and be sweet when it's really not within my nature. I would rather be real than pretend to be someone I'm not, just to impress someone. Not my fault if they can't take it. I like my eggs sunny side up, anyways."
Aunt T: *frustrated sigh* "It's a good thing you're college educated and have your looks."
I don't know what is funnier....that she thinks that I'm hopeless and will be single forever or that she thinks all men are that fragile and she has to be "soft" so her man will love her.
Now Man:
I don't expect men to plan an elaborate first time date. I'm pretty laid back and comfortable with just meeting up & grabbing a drink. However, I do prefer to set a day and time.....most people do in these hectic modern times. This guy will send me a random text message after 5:00PM, about once a week asking if I want to meet up with him. No, I've got plans. If you want to set a date with me, set it. Don't text or call me an hour before you want to hang out if we've never met before. What am I? 1-800- "date in a pinch"? Or someone cancelled on you and you think I'll drop everything to meet up with you? I don't fucking think so. My social calendar is jammed packed. I set first priority to the BFF's, friends, days that I play (bike, rock climb, ect) so, no.....I'm not going to be your last minute girl because I have a life.
Best Defense Summation From a Guy:
So, obviously since I'm blogging about myhorror stories dating experience, I also run my stories through my friends first. My girlfriends of course are usually laughing so hard or shaking their heads in disbelief. My guy friends of course give me their point of view. One of my favorite little nuggets of gold came from The Cream. Text convo:
The Cream: "How was your date?"
Me: "Eh, it was O.K. Dinner & drinks, this was our 3rd. We wrapped up around midnight. He just wants to get in my pants."
The Cream: "Lol. I don't blame him, haha"
Me: "Ha! Thanks for the support! Lol. Jackass."
The Cream: "Well sheesh! You're hot! He is just helpless. We have a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time! :)"
Ahhhh......that totally explains it.
Shallow Hal:
Went on 3 dates with this one guy. Super. Hot. Initially very attracted to him physically but the more we hung out and talked I realized how shallow and insecure he was. He didn't talk about anything except how hot I was and how he was going to violate me every which way til Tuesday......um really? I haven't given up the goodies and you are assuming you are getting in my pants? ASSumes much, do we? Knowing how one dimensional he was, it shouldn't have shocked me that he didn't know or care to know about any of my passions. Look, I am not expecting you to remember every single intricate life detail, we already know that would put too much strain on that wittle brain of yours, but when you blatantly mess up and get me confused with another girl you are seeing. I. Will. Call. You. Out. If you are not smart enough to juggle multiple dates, don't. So, I stopped texting him because I was no longer into or entertained by this guy back in March. Everyone and their dog knew I was going to Nepal in April, yet this guy kept texting me while I was out of the country and we all know how I feel about my phone being blown up while I'm traveling. (Maybe you should have payed more attention to my stories instead of checking out my boobs.) I know not everyone is equiped with the supreme organizational skills that allows me to juggle up to five guys at a time but if you can't keep up with the facts, you just end up looking like a whopping douche lord. Yeah, I don't care how good looking you are, I need someone with more depth than a half filled shot glass.
Best Comeback By The Boss:
I even share a few of my stories to my boss who is absolutely the best boss ever. He is so laid back and puts up with all my crap from my cantankerous personality to endless volleys of sarcastic comments tossed his way. Just a quick background explanation on the boss: his BS degree and first career were in the IT field. So, the other day I was just shooting the shit with the boss and my dating life came up.
The Boss: "Yeah, so how's singles scene treating ya? Any lucky guy make the cut?"
Me: "Meh, been going on lot's of dates. This last date was OK, he is smart, funny, has a good head on his shoulders, good career."
The Boss: "Buuuut......what's the catch?"
Me: "He's an IT guy and well you know...........they aren't exactly the best looking bunch......."
*realization hits brain after comment leaves my mouth*
*a look of sheer horror crosses my face*
*Mrs. Work Boo is laughing hysterically*
Me: "OMG......" *stutters incoherently*
*my eyes are wide as saucers with hand covering gaping mouth*
The Boss (in deadpan voice): "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in sales."
BURN!!!!!!!!!!
*boss exits stage left*
*Mrs. Work Boo is rolling on the floor laughing almost peeing her pants*
I suffer from acute, open mouth, insert foot syndrome.
Did He Really Just Ask That?..........Oh Snap!:
I'm not a prude by any means and I can usually dish it out as good as I get. However, I do expect a certain level of respect and I don't take too kindly being treated like a $10 hooker. I wish this story was an exaggeration, but it's not. I haven't slept with or done anything, with this particular guy (and no, I'm not saying that protect my innocence because we all know that I'm a black hearted demon, but I don't give out my goodies like candy on Halloween).
Guy sent a text pic of his manhood in all its glory and at full salute and had the audacity to text: "So when are you going to suck it?"
Me: "I don't let anything that small near me."
REALLY? Does that really fucking work on most women? What the hell? Just because I'm Asian does not mean I'm going to be your fucking play toy. If your only cultural knowledge of Asian women is from Full Metal Jacket, you might want to expand on it a bit. No "sucky-sucky" for you, asshole. Seriously, has the media, Facebook, texting and the internet really eradicated all social graces to this level. I'm not the type of girl that needs lots of romance. Hell, I don't even like flowers. They are a waste of money in my opinion, why pay outrageous amounts of money on something that has the life span of days (food, travel and gear are the ways into my heart *cough-cough*). I so could have posted that picture on the web but I didn't. (See Aunt T, I can be nice!)
Silver Lining:
It's sort of inevitable to compare the current person you are dating to your last ex. Even though I've had some rotten apples....I will say for the most part this most recent block of guys have been good (I just blog about my bad dates but I actually have a decent number of good dates too). I tend to date complete opposites of my last ex. My last relationship being Mr. Rock Climber, really shouldn't have lasted as long as it did but I postponed the break-up because he was going through a lot of personal issues and I didn't have the heart to kick someone while they are down. Shocking, I know, but I am pretty compassionate to my fellow humans when they deserve it. He was going through a lot and then the holidays, his birthday came around and my friends all advised me not to do the break up then. See, I actually listen to advice but I did break up with him shortly after. He did not take it well at all. I know break-ups are rough, but he was absolutely devastated after 4 months of dating. I never uttered the "L" word, never made any long term plans, and kind of took the relationship a day at a time. I did feel bad, but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. He didn't think so, and I respect the difference of opinions but he blew up my phone for weeks and texted some really nasty messages. I understand lashing out and getting it out of your system but it was getting pretty ridiculous the length it was going on for. His barrage of incessant emotional messages was kind of taking a toll on me because for once I was trying to be the better person and not lash out back at him. It was really rough to take all the accusations, the spiteful words, the malicious comments all laying down with out a single comment of retaliation. This went against every fiber of my body but I ignored it all and kept it classy. See, this old dog can learn new tricks.
Anyways, these last group of men I've been going on dates with, have been all very well educated, well spoken, well traveled, well groomed, career oriented, men with lot's of passions & hobbies, ect. Meeting these last few dates have really vindicated my decision to end it with Mr. Rock Climber. (I could go nuclear bitch and shred him to pieces on my blog, on why we were far from a perfect match as revenge for his vicious attacks but I've decided to keep that to myself.) I've had a lot of fun getting to know these men and broaden my mind on what I would consider in a significant other. I'm a multi-dimensional person with many layers to my personality (no, it's not all bitchy & uber-bitchy), numerous likes/dislikes, passions and wants in this life. This is what dating is about. Taking the good with the bad, learning from each person, each experience, having fun and not taking it all so seriously.
Pro Tips:
The other day, Aunt T called and she asked what I was up to. I was actually headed to a date and here was our conversation that followed:
Aunt T: "Ok, Tania......remember be sweet and nice. Men like sweet girls. Oh, and don't cuss so much......be a lady."
Me: "What? So you want me to be fake? Isn't the right thing to do is be myself?"
Aunt T: "Yes, of course be yourself.....just not so mean. You need to make the man feel like he is smarter, stronger and more surperior to you"
Me: "Bullshit. If a man is smarter, stronger and superior to me, then he will be. I'm not going to dumb it down in any catergory just to make him feel better. If a man can't take me for who I am, then he's too big of a sissy and I don't want him."
Aunt T: "With that attitude, no man will want you."
Me: "Wait.....why am I taking advice from you? Who do you think I learned to be so mean from?"
Aunt T: "I've changed. That's how I got my boyfriend and he adores me."
Me: "You haven't changed......you just yelled at me the other day! So you ARE being fake. He adores your big fake boobies and putting his pecker in your hot little 20 year old body!"
Aunt T: "TANIA!!!! That's not nice. This is what I mean. You need to treat men nicer. They have very frail egos and are like eggs and if you are too hard they'll crack."
Me: "I'm not going to pretend and be sweet when it's really not within my nature. I would rather be real than pretend to be someone I'm not, just to impress someone. Not my fault if they can't take it. I like my eggs sunny side up, anyways."
Aunt T: *frustrated sigh* "It's a good thing you're college educated and have your looks."
I don't know what is funnier....that she thinks that I'm hopeless and will be single forever or that she thinks all men are that fragile and she has to be "soft" so her man will love her.
Now Man:
I don't expect men to plan an elaborate first time date. I'm pretty laid back and comfortable with just meeting up & grabbing a drink. However, I do prefer to set a day and time.....most people do in these hectic modern times. This guy will send me a random text message after 5:00PM, about once a week asking if I want to meet up with him. No, I've got plans. If you want to set a date with me, set it. Don't text or call me an hour before you want to hang out if we've never met before. What am I? 1-800- "date in a pinch"? Or someone cancelled on you and you think I'll drop everything to meet up with you? I don't fucking think so. My social calendar is jammed packed. I set first priority to the BFF's, friends, days that I play (bike, rock climb, ect) so, no.....I'm not going to be your last minute girl because I have a life.
Best Defense Summation From a Guy:
So, obviously since I'm blogging about my
The Cream: "How was your date?"
Me: "Eh, it was O.K. Dinner & drinks, this was our 3rd. We wrapped up around midnight. He just wants to get in my pants."
The Cream: "Lol. I don't blame him, haha"
Me: "Ha! Thanks for the support! Lol. Jackass."
The Cream: "Well sheesh! You're hot! He is just helpless. We have a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time! :)"
Ahhhh......that totally explains it.
Shallow Hal:
Went on 3 dates with this one guy. Super. Hot. Initially very attracted to him physically but the more we hung out and talked I realized how shallow and insecure he was. He didn't talk about anything except how hot I was and how he was going to violate me every which way til Tuesday......um really? I haven't given up the goodies and you are assuming you are getting in my pants? ASSumes much, do we? Knowing how one dimensional he was, it shouldn't have shocked me that he didn't know or care to know about any of my passions. Look, I am not expecting you to remember every single intricate life detail, we already know that would put too much strain on that wittle brain of yours, but when you blatantly mess up and get me confused with another girl you are seeing. I. Will. Call. You. Out. If you are not smart enough to juggle multiple dates, don't. So, I stopped texting him because I was no longer into or entertained by this guy back in March. Everyone and their dog knew I was going to Nepal in April, yet this guy kept texting me while I was out of the country and we all know how I feel about my phone being blown up while I'm traveling. (Maybe you should have payed more attention to my stories instead of checking out my boobs.) I know not everyone is equiped with the supreme organizational skills that allows me to juggle up to five guys at a time but if you can't keep up with the facts, you just end up looking like a whopping douche lord. Yeah, I don't care how good looking you are, I need someone with more depth than a half filled shot glass.
Best Comeback By The Boss:
I even share a few of my stories to my boss who is absolutely the best boss ever. He is so laid back and puts up with all my crap from my cantankerous personality to endless volleys of sarcastic comments tossed his way. Just a quick background explanation on the boss: his BS degree and first career were in the IT field. So, the other day I was just shooting the shit with the boss and my dating life came up.
The Boss: "Yeah, so how's singles scene treating ya? Any lucky guy make the cut?"
Me: "Meh, been going on lot's of dates. This last date was OK, he is smart, funny, has a good head on his shoulders, good career."
The Boss: "Buuuut......what's the catch?"
Me: "He's an IT guy and well you know...........they aren't exactly the best looking bunch......."
*realization hits brain after comment leaves my mouth*
*a look of sheer horror crosses my face*
*Mrs. Work Boo is laughing hysterically*
Me: "OMG......" *stutters incoherently*
*my eyes are wide as saucers with hand covering gaping mouth*
The Boss (in deadpan voice): "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in sales."
BURN!!!!!!!!!!
*boss exits stage left*
*Mrs. Work Boo is rolling on the floor laughing almost peeing her pants*
I suffer from acute, open mouth, insert foot syndrome.
Did He Really Just Ask That?..........Oh Snap!:
I'm not a prude by any means and I can usually dish it out as good as I get. However, I do expect a certain level of respect and I don't take too kindly being treated like a $10 hooker. I wish this story was an exaggeration, but it's not. I haven't slept with or done anything, with this particular guy (and no, I'm not saying that protect my innocence because we all know that I'm a black hearted demon, but I don't give out my goodies like candy on Halloween).
Guy sent a text pic of his manhood in all its glory and at full salute and had the audacity to text: "So when are you going to suck it?"
Me: "I don't let anything that small near me."
REALLY? Does that really fucking work on most women? What the hell? Just because I'm Asian does not mean I'm going to be your fucking play toy. If your only cultural knowledge of Asian women is from Full Metal Jacket, you might want to expand on it a bit. No "sucky-sucky" for you, asshole. Seriously, has the media, Facebook, texting and the internet really eradicated all social graces to this level. I'm not the type of girl that needs lots of romance. Hell, I don't even like flowers. They are a waste of money in my opinion, why pay outrageous amounts of money on something that has the life span of days (food, travel and gear are the ways into my heart *cough-cough*). I so could have posted that picture on the web but I didn't. (See Aunt T, I can be nice!)
Silver Lining:
It's sort of inevitable to compare the current person you are dating to your last ex. Even though I've had some rotten apples....I will say for the most part this most recent block of guys have been good (I just blog about my bad dates but I actually have a decent number of good dates too). I tend to date complete opposites of my last ex. My last relationship being Mr. Rock Climber, really shouldn't have lasted as long as it did but I postponed the break-up because he was going through a lot of personal issues and I didn't have the heart to kick someone while they are down. Shocking, I know, but I am pretty compassionate to my fellow humans when they deserve it. He was going through a lot and then the holidays, his birthday came around and my friends all advised me not to do the break up then. See, I actually listen to advice but I did break up with him shortly after. He did not take it well at all. I know break-ups are rough, but he was absolutely devastated after 4 months of dating. I never uttered the "L" word, never made any long term plans, and kind of took the relationship a day at a time. I did feel bad, but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. He didn't think so, and I respect the difference of opinions but he blew up my phone for weeks and texted some really nasty messages. I understand lashing out and getting it out of your system but it was getting pretty ridiculous the length it was going on for. His barrage of incessant emotional messages was kind of taking a toll on me because for once I was trying to be the better person and not lash out back at him. It was really rough to take all the accusations, the spiteful words, the malicious comments all laying down with out a single comment of retaliation. This went against every fiber of my body but I ignored it all and kept it classy. See, this old dog can learn new tricks.
Anyways, these last group of men I've been going on dates with, have been all very well educated, well spoken, well traveled, well groomed, career oriented, men with lot's of passions & hobbies, ect. Meeting these last few dates have really vindicated my decision to end it with Mr. Rock Climber. (I could go nuclear bitch and shred him to pieces on my blog, on why we were far from a perfect match as revenge for his vicious attacks but I've decided to keep that to myself.) I've had a lot of fun getting to know these men and broaden my mind on what I would consider in a significant other. I'm a multi-dimensional person with many layers to my personality (no, it's not all bitchy & uber-bitchy), numerous likes/dislikes, passions and wants in this life. This is what dating is about. Taking the good with the bad, learning from each person, each experience, having fun and not taking it all so seriously.
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