Field Notes (Part II)

Oh, how I love the smell of nervous anxiety and the carnage of crushed egos. Ah yes.....back playing in the minefield and here are my field notes part deux.

Pro Tips:
The other day, Aunt T called and she asked what I was up to. I was actually headed to a date and here was our conversation that followed:

Aunt T: "Ok, Tania......remember be sweet and nice. Men like sweet girls. Oh, and don't cuss so much......be a lady."

Me: "What? So you want me to be fake? Isn't the right thing to do is be myself?"

Aunt T: "Yes, of course be yourself.....just not so mean. You need to make the man feel like he is smarter, stronger and more surperior to you"

Me: "Bullshit. If a man is smarter, stronger and superior to me, then he will be. I'm not going to dumb it down in any catergory just to make him feel better. If a man can't take me for who I am, then he's too big of a sissy and I don't want him."

Aunt T: "With that attitude, no man will want you."

Me: "Wait.....why am I taking advice from you? Who do you think I learned to be so mean from?"

Aunt T: "I've changed. That's how I got my boyfriend and he adores me."

Me: "You haven't changed......you just yelled at me the other day! So you ARE being fake. He adores your big fake boobies and putting his pecker in your hot little 20 year old body!"

Aunt T: "TANIA!!!! That's not nice. This is what I mean. You need to treat men nicer. They have very frail egos and are like eggs and if you are too hard they'll crack."

Me: "I'm not going to pretend and be sweet when it's really not within my nature. I would rather be real than pretend to be someone I'm not, just to impress someone. Not my fault if they can't take it. I like my eggs sunny side up, anyways."

Aunt T: *frustrated sigh* "It's a good thing you're college educated and have your looks."


I don't know what is funnier....that she thinks that I'm hopeless and will be single forever or that she thinks all men are that fragile and she has to be "soft" so her man will love her.


Now Man:
I don't expect men to plan an elaborate first time date. I'm pretty laid back and comfortable with just meeting up & grabbing a drink. However, I do prefer to set a day and time.....most people do in these hectic modern times. This guy will send me a random text message after 5:00PM, about once a week asking if I want to meet up with him. No, I've got plans. If you want to set a date with me, set it. Don't text or call me an hour before you want to hang out if we've never met before. What am I? 1-800- "date in a pinch"? Or someone cancelled on you and you think I'll drop everything to meet up with you? I don't fucking think so. My social calendar is jammed packed. I set first priority to the BFF's, friends, days that I play (bike, rock climb, ect) so, no.....I'm not going to be your last minute girl because I have a life.


Best Defense Summation From a Guy:
So, obviously since I'm blogging about my horror stories dating experience, I also run my stories through my friends first. My girlfriends of course are usually laughing so hard or shaking their heads in disbelief. My guy friends of course give me their point of view. One of my favorite little nuggets of gold came from The Cream. Text convo:

The Cream: "How was your date?"

Me: "Eh, it was O.K. Dinner & drinks, this was our 3rd. We wrapped up around midnight. He just wants to get in my pants."

The Cream: "Lol. I don't blame him, haha"

Me: "Ha! Thanks for the support! Lol. Jackass."

The Cream: "Well sheesh! You're hot! He is just helpless. We have a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time! :)"

Ahhhh......that totally explains it.


Shallow Hal:
Went on 3 dates with this one guy. Super. Hot. Initially very attracted to him physically but the more we hung out and talked I realized how shallow and insecure he was. He didn't talk about anything except how hot I was and how he was going to violate me every which way til Tuesday......um really? I haven't given up the goodies and you are assuming you are getting in my pants? ASSumes much, do we?  Knowing how one dimensional he was, it shouldn't have shocked me that he didn't know or care to know about any of my passions. Look, I am not expecting you to remember every single intricate life detail, we already know that would put too much strain on that wittle brain of yours, but when you blatantly mess up and get me confused with another girl you are seeing. I. Will. Call. You. Out. If you are not smart enough to juggle multiple dates, don't. So, I stopped texting him because I was no longer into or entertained by this guy back in March. Everyone and their dog knew I was going to Nepal in April, yet this guy kept texting me while I was out of the country and we all know how I feel about my phone being blown up while I'm traveling. (Maybe you should have payed more attention to my stories instead of checking out my boobs.) I know not everyone is equiped with the supreme organizational skills that allows me to juggle up to five guys at a time but if you can't keep up with the facts, you just end up looking like a whopping douche lord. Yeah, I don't care how good looking you are, I need someone with more depth than a half filled shot glass.

Best Comeback By The Boss:
I even share a few of my stories to my boss who is absolutely the best boss ever. He is so laid back and puts up with all my crap from my cantankerous personality to endless volleys of sarcastic comments tossed his way. Just a quick background explanation on the boss: his BS degree and first career were in the IT field. So, the other day I was just shooting the shit with the boss and my dating life came up.

The Boss: "Yeah, so how's singles scene treating ya? Any lucky guy make the cut?"

Me: "Meh, been going on lot's of dates. This last date was OK, he is smart, funny, has a good head on his shoulders, good career."

The Boss: "Buuuut......what's the catch?"

Me: "He's an IT guy and well you know...........they aren't exactly the best looking bunch......."

*realization hits brain after comment leaves my mouth*

*a look of sheer horror crosses my face*

*Mrs. Work Boo is laughing hysterically*

Me: "OMG......" *stutters incoherently*

*my eyes are wide as saucers with hand covering gaping mouth*

The Boss (in deadpan voice): "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in sales." 


BURN!!!!!!!!!!

*boss exits stage left*

*Mrs. Work Boo is rolling on the floor laughing almost peeing her pants*

I suffer from acute, open mouth, insert foot syndrome.



Did He Really Just Ask That?..........Oh Snap!:
I'm not a prude by any means and I can usually dish it out as good as I get. However, I do expect a certain level of respect and I don't take too kindly being treated like a $10 hooker. I wish this story was an exaggeration, but it's not. I haven't slept with or done anything, with this particular guy (and no, I'm not saying that protect my innocence because we all know that I'm a black hearted demon, but I don't give out my goodies like candy on Halloween).

Guy sent a text pic of his manhood in all its glory and at full salute and had the audacity to text: "So when are you going to suck it?"

Me: "I don't let anything that small near me."


REALLY? Does that really fucking work on most women? What the hell? Just because I'm Asian does not mean I'm going to be your fucking play toy. If your only cultural knowledge of Asian women is from Full Metal Jacket, you might want to expand on it a bit. No "sucky-sucky" for you, asshole. Seriously, has the media, Facebook, texting and the internet really eradicated all social graces to this level. I'm not the type of girl that needs lots of romance. Hell, I don't even like flowers. They are a waste of money in my opinion, why pay outrageous amounts of money on something that has the life span of days (food, travel and gear are the ways into my heart *cough-cough*). I so could have posted that picture on the web but I didn't. (See Aunt T, I can be nice!)


Silver Lining:
It's sort of inevitable to compare the current person you are dating to your last ex. Even though I've had some rotten apples....I will say for the most part this most recent block of guys have been good (I just blog about my bad dates but I actually have a decent number of good dates too). I tend to date complete opposites of my last ex. My last relationship being Mr. Rock Climber, really shouldn't have lasted as long as it did but I postponed the break-up because he was going through a lot of personal issues and I didn't have the heart to kick someone while they are down. Shocking, I know, but I am pretty compassionate to my fellow humans when they deserve it. He was going through a lot and then the holidays, his birthday came around and my friends all advised me not to do the break up then. See, I actually listen to advice but I did break up with him shortly after. He did not take it well at all. I know break-ups are rough, but he was absolutely devastated after 4 months of dating. I never uttered the "L" word, never made any long term plans, and kind of took the relationship a day at a time. I did feel bad, but I knew deep down it was the right thing to do. He didn't think so, and I respect the difference of opinions but he blew up my phone for weeks and texted some really nasty messages. I understand lashing out and getting it out of your system but it was getting pretty ridiculous the length it was going on for. His barrage of incessant emotional messages was kind of taking a toll on me because for once I was trying to be the better person and not lash out back at him. It was really rough to take all the accusations, the spiteful words, the malicious comments all laying down with out a single comment of retaliation. This went against every fiber of my body but I ignored it all and kept it classy. See, this old dog can learn new tricks.

Anyways, these last group of men I've been going on dates with, have been all very well educated, well spoken, well traveled, well groomed, career oriented, men with lot's of passions & hobbies, ect. Meeting these last few dates have really vindicated my decision to end it with Mr. Rock Climber. (I could go nuclear bitch and shred him to pieces on my blog, on why we were far from a perfect match as revenge for his vicious attacks but I've decided to keep that to myself.) I've had a lot of fun getting to know these men and broaden my mind on what I would consider in a significant other. I'm a multi-dimensional person with many layers to my personality (no, it's not all bitchy & uber-bitchy), numerous likes/dislikes, passions and wants in this life. This is what dating is about. Taking the good with the bad, learning from each person, each experience, having fun and not taking it all so seriously.

Field Notes

Since breaking up with Mr. Rock Climber, I've been on 10 dates. There was even one weekend I decided to go on 3 dates, with 3 different guys, in 3 days back to back to back. Yeah, I literally had a triathlon of dates. Endurance athlete = endurance dating. Don't worry, I've been training hard, had a game plan, executed it perfectly, and nailed my nutrition and hydration. I even took a page out of triathlon/backpacking training.....made sure I tested out all outfits before. Nothing new on race date day. ;)

So for February & March.....here are a few of my "Field Notes" on my research:

Date 1-Liquid Diet: I understand that first dates can be slightly intimidating and all....but when you down 8 bourbons on the rocks in a couple of hours....I'm going to think you are an alcoholic. When you tell me how nervous you are, I am completely empathetic and I respect the honesty. Don't get me wrong, I like my wine and beer, but these days I don't need to get plowed at dinner. When you tell me you also have a flask on you and thats why you've been going to the men's room so often, is to chug more whiskey.....now I KNOW you are an alcoholic. Yes, I am judging you on how much you drink. I am no longer impressed by how many alcoholic beverages you can consume before vomiting or how long you can do a keg stand for. Try college girls if that is the best game you got.

Date 3-Stealth Attack: I know making moves on the female kind is a little scary, but please......for the love of all that is holy and sacred, if you're not sure if your physical overtures will be welcomed or not, just F'ing ask. Do not grab me by the hips and pull me on to your lap as I'm walking away....1.) I am not a F'ing lap dog.  2.) Nor am I a stripper trying to give you a lap dance....that is me flailing desperately to get off and escape from your clammy clutches. Now since I did not reciprocate any of your advances and feel wholly violated, all I want to do is go home. So, again......do not grab me as I'm trying to get in my car, wrap me in a bear hug and start mugging down on me. (becasue I was trying to avoid his lips on mine, I kept moving my head around trying to get away-I felt like he was slobbering all over my face and he was about to eat me.) Gross. Since trying to push you away wasn't sending the message to your oafish brain.......how about an elbow to the throat? Yep. That did the trick......how'd my bony ass elbow feel right into the wind pipe? Seriously?! WTF is up with the stealth attacks from behind? Don't have enough balls to attack me while facing me? Not cool. He was lucky I didn't pull the T combo on him.....it's what I call my "spray & shank". (spray face full of mace and a knife in the gut) Yes, I carry mace and a knife in my Louis Vuitton purse and if you get blood on my LV purse you owe me a new one.

Intermission: When I'm on vacation, please don't blow up my phone. I'm on vacation trying to enjoy my limited time away from work and the metromess. If you send me a couple of texts and I don't answer back, that means I'm either busy or ignoring you. That does not mean to send me 20 text messages in a row to get my attention. I got it the first time around, I don't need 19 more messages telling me the same damn thing. I don't give a shit that you miss me. Isn't it obvious I don't feel the same because I haven't even replied? I'm out having fun and ENJOYING my vacation......just because I vacation alone does not mean I'm lonely and pining over your sorry ass. When I finally get home and I tell you we are just better off as friends......don't send me a video of you singing a love song. Lame. You are lucky I'm not a complete bitch because I could have posted that shit online and made you a YouTube star. I did show my BF's though, so I have eyewitnesses.

Date 6-Getting Chicked: I understand that first impressions are important and that men want to impress women with how "manly" they are. I'm fairly adventurous and active so I would love to find a guy that has similar passions. So this particular first date, I was pretty excited because my date threw this at me:

Date: "So, I'm a very avid outdoorsman, love traveling and going on adventures and constantly on the go because I want to see as much of the world as I can. I'm at home in the back country completely roughing it. Need to find someone that can hang, so do you think you are up for the challenge?"


Alright! Now this is what I'm talking about. It's definitely hard to find guys that aren't a bunch of metro-sexual, affliction wearing, 30k douche bag wussies in the metroplex. So, I of course excitedly ask him about his latest "adventure" because he said he just got back in town from camping.

Date: "Yeah, I apologize if I'm a bit tired. I camped out at Lake Texoma and my legs are sooooo shredded from the 5 miles of hiking I did this weekend."


*Initial excitement starts to fade*

Me: "Oh, Lake Texoma, huh? I went there a few times in college. So you hiked in 5 miles and then camped?" 

Date: "Nah. I set up camp first and then went on a 5 mile hike."

*confused face*

Me: "So.......you didn't carry all your gear in with you?"

Date: "Oh no. I have way too much stuff. My SUV was loaded to the brim with firewood, cooler, speaker system, gear and ect."

*excitement has officially plummeted*

Me: "So, you car camped."

I continue to ask about his other "adventures" and travels that he has been on and come to find out he has only been to Canada and Taos, NM to ski. He def has me on skiing and snowboarding but he over inflated his outdoor & traveling studliness. He only car camps around TX and goes with 5-11 other people with a longest hike of 5 miles in a day. Which, there is nothing wrong with car camping or a 5 mile hike but when you throw out words like "avid outdoorsman", "explore the world", "at home completely roughing it in the back country" and "can you hang?".......my expectations are of Bear Grylles trapeising around the world hopping from one crazy outdoor adventure to the next and you also just threw down a challenge for me. Anybody that knows me, knows that if you throw down the gauntlet at my feet.....you better get the hell out of my way if you know what is good for you.

Date: *now a little irritated at my lack of interest in his stories* "So, what have you done?"

What? Oh...... Game. On. I proceeded to tell him a few of my adventures........needless to say he got chicked. Big time.

I'm not saying I am the most outdoorsy or adventurous person out there. I feel like I still have a lot more to learn and experience but when you gloat about being an "avid outdoorsman" and then ask if I can hang? But all you do is car camp? Failboat. That's like me bragging that I'm an avid golfer, but just play putt putt every once in awhile. I pretty much T-bagged him with my bigger cajones. Yeah, I just said that.....what?


Men, take note. Things not to do (actual things that have happened):
1.) No video's of you singing love songs......unless you are Justin Timberlake.
2.) No pictures of your man hood. Anticipation is half the fun.
3.) Do not blow up my phone if I don't answer immediately. I have a full time job and active life.
4.) Don't get jealous that I hang out with other men. One of my bff's is a guy and he is my riding partner, which means we spend many hours together riding.....bikes, not each other so keep the jealousy down.
5.) Don't fish for lots of compliments. If you need your ego constantly stroked, it just shows how insecure you are.
6.) Do not maul me or I might be forced use the "T combo".
7.) Do not order for me. I'm a big girl and can order my own food thanks.
8.) Do not over inflate your accomplishments nor underestimate me, and when you get chicked, take it like a man.
9.) Do not try to get on my bike or spin the cranks.....there are only 3 people allowed to touch my bike. That is myself, Mr. Bike Snob (Jason), and Gary (bike fitter). Yes, I'm anal retentive and have OCD.
10.) Don't ask me for my opinion and then get butt hurt if you can't handle my bluntness & honesty. I tell it how I see it.

Personal Lessons:
So, what have I learned through my marathon of dates (besides that I ate really well)? I've met some really cool guys that I would love to stay friends with (nothing wrong with being friend zoned) but I've also run into some jerks that kind of turn me off to the opposite sex. It takes that right mixture of timing, chemistry and attraction, ect for me to want to be in a relationship. After this last block of dating, and being really honest with myself....I'm perfectly happy being alone right now. Actually, I really excel being alone (because I don't have to compromise :P). I usually feel weighed down and hindered when in a relationship anyways (except for one). So, that tells me that I shouldn't waste my time in a relationship if it doesn't feel right in the early stages. I'm going to take a break (my asshole friends will have to find amusement somewhere else) since I'm about to be out of the country for almost 3 weeks on my yeti hunt (aka Nepal trip!!!! T minus 12 days!!!) Like I said, not in any rush and I already live a full happy life without a significant other.

My Message:
To my single friends.....don't ever settle because you're scared to be alone. Don't wait to chase your dreams & passions. Just go for it. Almost every one of my dates have told me this same line to varying degrees:

"I've always wanted to do "X", but don't have anybody to do it with. So that's why I haven't done it yet"  

Whaaat!? When I hear men say this, I automatically think: "Stop being a little bitch and do it." What I'm trying to so eloquently say is, don't wait to live life. Learn to be happy on your own, live the life that you want NOW and when the right person comes, they will help enhance your happiness. So many people think that getting a gf/bf/fiance/ect is the only way to be happy and experience life. You only have one life to live and it's too short to spend it waiting around and being unhappy.