Nepal Trip Report (Part I): 4/12/12-5/2/12

This was an amazing adventure of epic proportions: from the ultra-endurance flights & layovers, hair raising taxi rides, the insanity of Kathmandu, the adrenaline pumping flight to Lukla, the serene simplicity of mountain village life, the dramatic and ravishing scenery of the Himalayas, the bewitching Nepal culture infused in ancient tradition, and the warm, hard working and open nature of the Nepalese people. This was my dream trip and was everything I could dare to hope for and more.

Meet Aunt Thanh:

I can't write about my adventure without the mention of Aunt T. I told her that I was headed to Nepal and without even blinking she goes (think Ms. Swan from MadTV accent for her voice): "I want to go."  My aunt has been around the world and loves traveling (it's where I get it from). I love her "Bags packed, where are we going?" mentality. 

For those that know Aunt Thanh personally, no introductions are necessary. I'm sure you have a wealth of hilarious stories from my crazy aunt. This is the same aunt that told me a few days before my trip, and I requote this verbatim: "You know Tania, after you turn 29 this year, you should really think about settling down. You know you won't be pretty forever. Men have more options than women" For those that have not had the pleasure of meeting her, let me give you a quick synopsis. My mother died when I was 10 and my aunt was my mother figure growing up. She's lived an incredible life: survived poverty, war and many more atrocities so she was hard on me and did not coddle me whatsoever. I could write a massive book on her life, she has so many stories. Needless to say, she taught me to be independent, fearless, bluntly honest, and go for what I want in life. Wonder where my outspokenness, stubbornness and tenacity comes from? Look no further. She comes off mean and harsh (hmmm, see the connection?) with her outlandishly direct and disconcertingly frank comments but she has a heart of gold. She always means well but can be off putting to those not used to her lack of sensitivity. You are either offended or rolling with laughter from the sheer hilarity of her comments. She is a teller of unpopular truths. No one is immune from her observations or sharp tongue.

Through everything that I have gone through, she has always been there. She is my mentor, my inspiration for strength, my rock of stability, my vivacious Aunt Thanh.......the one and only (thank goodness because I don't think this world could handle two ;). 

To Nepal- 1 Destination, 2 Layovers, 3 Flights, 4 Countries, 5 Airplane Meals:

Apparently, I can make anything into an endurance event, and traveling is no exception. I flew out of DFW, to London, then had a 6 hr layover. London is where I was meeting up with my crazy Aunt Thanh. I walked around the terminal looking for her and decided to recruit the help of some nice British chaps at the information desk. After some harmless flirting (can I tell you I love the accent!) I persuaded them to put out a PA over the airport loudspeaker for my auntie. (They were only sightly breaking protocol......tee hee :). Once my auntie and I were reunited, we then flew to New Delhi, where we had a 5 hr layover and finally from there to Kathmandu. 20 plus hours of flight time, 11 plus hours of layover, equals a total of 31+ hrs to reach Kathmandu, Nepal which has a time difference of 11 hours and 45 minutes ahead of CST. Because of the long, stamina testing flights, I was fed a total of 5 meals and numerous snacks. Airplane food is at best.......warm? Guess I shouldn't really complain since I at least got fed. On top of the long flight and layover times, my sleep was sporadic and light at best. I utilized the free wine (on international flights) and melatonin but coach seats and airport benches don't make the best of beds. Can we say jet lagged?

Kathmandu- A City At The Crossroads;

I blearily stepped off the last plane and into the madness of Kathmandu. A sensory overload of sights, sounds and smells bombarded me. I am rarely afraid of riding in a car being female and Asian, it's not like I have the best driving skills. An ex-boyfriend once told me that anytime he wanted an adrenaline rush, he let me drive. The harrowing ride from the airport to the hotel was a death grip on the"oh shit" handle affair. The roads have no rules, rhyme or reason to me. Between the cars/vans/buses lumbering about, motor bikes would zip in & out between the vehicles, and add in the mix of slower bicycles, rick-shaws & pedestrians make for a crowded, distressing, honking cacophony of an experience. Adding to the mayhem of the traffic is that the city infrastructure is 70 years old, there are no stop signs or stop lights (patrol officers direct traffic) and there doesn't seem to be any road rules which adds fuel to the wild-wild west feel.

The city itself seems to be like every other developing world city that is barreling down head long for impact of modernization but look closer and you'll find that there are parts still steeped with it's deep rich historical culture. The city itself is a contrast of old and new: a bustling commercial hub with people everywhere yet dotted with enchanting medieval temples. There is a lot of pollution and dust. I think due to inversion, a heavy hazy cloud constantly clings over the city and obscures the surrounding mountain views. Trash, debris, and ruins are visible at the side of the road. Remember, this is still a third world country with a fairly new democract and parliament painfully & slowly trying to get order about. With that said, I never once felt afraid wandering the streets. Even with this city trying to find it's foot hold in the modern era, I was never fearful for my life. Almost got clipped a few times by motorbikes and cars but being a cyclist, I'm pretty used to that. Kathmandu has many different castes, ethnic groups and religions but with all the differences they coincide in harmony. Thamel market is a bargainer's dream. There are endless stalls of trinkets, baubles, clothes, trekking gear, ect to be haggled over. I had a blast buying jewelry, scarfs, shirts, hats, and other random knick knacks, but the true professional haggler is my aunt. Back in November of 2011, we went to Arizona she had declared to the Asian Enterprise car rental agent that: "We are Vietnamese. We are the cheap jews of the Asians." Oh, how true she lived up to that proclamation. I was able to haggle 30-50% of the price down but she would routinely get things 60-75% off the price. I think she was a sales rep in a previous life.

Shanker Hotel:

We stayed in The Shanker Hotel for the three days before leaving for the trek through the mountains and then again for two days when we got back from trekking. It is an old palace now converted to a four star hotel. The hotel was a beautiful retreat from the craziness of the city. The huge garden provided a refreshing and quiet oasis with a swimming pool, dozens of cabanas and bright, colorful pretty landscaping in contrast to the brown dust tinged city. The service is top notch from expectant and helpful staff. The breakfast buffet served from 6-10 AM, was a great way to start every morning. The hotel has a lot of character with lots of detailed inlaid molding depicting Hindu gods, people and design. Rooms come standard with flat screen TV's, personal AC unit and plenty of space. The bathrooms were modern, updated, granite counter tops and showers which is up to par by western standards. I think my only complaint was that my bed was hard as a rock. Overall, I had a very pleasant and relaxing stay.

The Himalayas-"The Roof Top of the World":

This hiking adventure is not for the faint heart, lazy, or those squeamish about lack of western bathroom standards. If your only idea of vacation is a 5 star luxury all inclusive resort on plush beds.........this is not for you. If you can rough it a bit & put some leg work in, you will be rewarded by breathtaking vistas, awe inspiring beauty, a welcoming international crowd of touring trekkers, and high Himalayan hospitality. This type of trip is an adventure of a lifetime with experiences & memories that will touch you to the core.

When my aunt decided she wanted to tag along on my trip, I sent her a packet of information of Nepal's history, customs, my trek itinerary, what type of accommodations we would be staying at in the mountains and what to pack. I bought ALL her hiking gear for her so all she had to do was buy hiking boots and pack what I sent her. I even booked her flights......literally, I handed everything on a silver platter. She somehow managed to fail miserably. She didn't pack all the gear I bought, didn't even look or read any of the material that I sent. So, the night before we were leaving for the hiking portion of the trip, she and I got into a HUGE fight. I was so angry that she didn't read a SINGLE line of information and failed to pack the necessary items. She had absolutely no idea what she signed up for because she didn't have enough sense to read. W.T.F? I had to keep throwing things out because we had to keep our combined gear under 33 lbs for the porter but she wanted to bring numerous outfits for every day (this ain't the Miss America pageant). She didn't pack pretty important pieces of gear: like the hiking pants, water bladder, nagalene water bottle, sun hat, bandanna, ect that I specifically bought. It was a very angry & tension filled night, with neither one of us willing to back off. My aunt is not used to being on the receiving end of a verbal barrage laced with profanity. I usually don't cuss in front of or at my Aunt but my anger got the better of me. I wasn't afraid of her wrath or of anybody for that matter. Hell, she taught me that.

Lukla Flight:

The main event of this trip was the hiking (called trekking over in Nepal) through the highest mountain range in the world. Since I only had limited time to get my adventure done, I had chosen a 12 day itinerary that started in Lukla which is the entrance of the Khumbu region. It is a short 20-30 minute flight from Kathmandu to Lukla......in a small Otter airplane. You know it's going to be a hell of a ride when the flight attendant passes out cotton balls for your ears and bubble gum. The last time I was in an Otter, I jumped out of it. Oh, on top of being crammed in a small prop plane, the air strip in Lukla is the shortest runway in the world. 500 meters long, uphill and at the end there is a wall. Considered one of the 10 most dangerous airports in the world. Click here to see a bit of what I experienced. It was absolutely insane. I LOOOOVED it. :)

The "Breathtaking" Trek:
Starting off, you stroll through the green valley of the Khumbu region. Daytime temperatures were warm and in the 60-70's with night time temps dipping to the 50's at "lower" elevation. (To this flat-lander, anything over 1,000 ft is elevation, HA!) The trail is easy to follow and you are usually surrounded by teams of yaks, other trekkers and porters. At times it was very crowded but every once in awhile I would find myself alone, lost in the utter magnificence of the Himalaya's. The hike is not a stroll in a park (aprx 75+ miles & over 10,000 ft of elevation gain). There is a lot of up and down and very little "flats". Mountain people and non-mountain people have two very different ideas of "flat". Look, I live in north Texas.....I know what flat is (the Nepalese mountain people don't count anything less than 20,000ft a mountain.....they call them "hills" :P ). As the days progressed, the difficulty became more apparent with the increase in altitude and pronounced "uphill" hiking. Going up is a lung searing and quad shredding affair with elevations ranging from 9,000 to 17,000+ ft, so breathing becomes a slight issue (like, "who the fuck turned off the oxygen" feeling). Each day I would hike 5-8 hours and my aunt an hour or two more than that (I was ahead and Egla the guide or Rusha the porter split to accompany either my aunt or I). In "higher" elevation, 12,000 ft + it becomes a bit chillier and as we wound higher and further into the Khumbu region the winds began to pick up. At 14,000+ ft you are out of treeline and without the treeline to shelter you, the winds start to bite with fine flecks of sand invading your eyes & nasal cavities. Breathing was noticeably harder, deep sleep became difficult to attain and loss a bit of my appetite. But the mountain views became even more dramatically grandiose. The peaks looked extremely close due to their massive size and height (surrounded by 20,000+ ft mtns). Daytime temps were 60's-50's F and night time lows were in the 40's-20's. Had almost perfect weather with only one brief shower on the way up to Tengboche and snow on our our first night in Dingboche. At 16,000+ ft, breathing, thinking and walking became a chore. It was an uphill death slog for me but the phenomenal beauty around me kept me from thinking of my discomfort. My pictures never do any of my trips justice and my images of this trip are woefully sub-par to seeing it in person.

 Mountain Accommodations: We hiked from village to village so there was no need to pack tent, cooking supplies, ect and slept in tea houses. What are tea houses? Tea houses are basic lodges that have a central dining area with numerous wooden tables and benches for seating. They heat the main dining hall with stoves fueled with yak shit. The lights in the dining hall are powered with a generator but would only be utilized once it was completely dark outside and they closed down the dining area around 9:00 PM. The sleeping rooms are very basic, with 2 wooden cots, an anemic thin foam mattress, blankets and
pillows. Rooms do not have a heat source, so you must rely on layers, sleeping bag and blankets for warmth. Some rooms come with a private "toilet" while other lodges have "community" toilets. The further up you go in the mountains the more basic the amenities become. The tea houses are about a few steps up from tent camping because these structures are not insulated and made of paper thin walls of plywood. I could hear my neighbors snore, fart, piss, crap and fornicate. The tea houses below 12,000 ft that we stayed at had western style indoor private in room toilets. Above that altitude, the tea houses had "western" looking toilets but no indoor plumbing which meant you flushed by pouring water with a bucket until your waste was pushed down by weight and gravity. The other "toilet" commonly found is the "Eastern" style which is a porcelain hole in the ground with a bucket of water to "flush". Then some tea houses were only outfitted with an outhouse. A shack with a wooden floor, hole cut in the middle to do your business and a pile of dirt compost to kick in the hole to keep the foul smells at bay. Hot showers are a
true luxury in the mountains. I took only three showers, day 2, 9, and last day (yeah, no one smelled like roses). The picture to the right shows a shower head, but what it doesn't show is the toilet right next to it. You could literally be on the pot and shower at the same time. There is no separation from the shower and toilet area. Further up in altitude, there are no "proper" showers because of 1.) no indoor plumbing  2.) water becomes a very precious resource. In Dingboche, I paid roughly $5 for a bucket of hot water to clean myself. I stood in a small room with a drain while I poured the rapidly cooling water over myself. When I didn't have the option of a hot shower or bucket sponge bath, I had to depend on "backpacker" wipes which are over glorified wet wipes, but still a bone chilling experience. At that altitude and temperatures, it was a miracle I even took off my clothes and suffered through wet and cold "whore's" bath. My teeth would chatter uncontrollably while I tried to quickly wipe down with multiple citrus scented wipes. Hot visual huh?

Himalayan Cuisine: Nepal's mountains are not exactly known for their gourmet cuisine, but I didn't exactly starve either. We
were warned not to eat meat because 1.) all the food at the tea houses for trekkers are flown from Kathmandu to Lukla and transported on the back of yaks or sherpas (more on this later) so you have no idea how old the meat is. 2.) In high altitude, it is not wise to eat protein heavy meals because more blood flow is needed for your gut to help digest, but your lungs come first when lack of O2 hinders your ability to breathe. Your body will naturally prioritize where blood flow is needed most. So either way, eating meat could cause your GI system to go on full mutiny which is the last thing you want. So, for almost

two weeks I was on a vegetarian/carbo heavy diet. No meat and also no alcohol until I was on the descent. The food was pretty decent for the most part except for a pizza I ordered in Namache because I was tired of Dal Bhat (traditional Nepalese meal of rice, lentil soup, & curry) The pizza was so bland and tasteless I barely choked it down. Also understand, a lot of tea house cooks have never had "real" western food but have rough, verbally passed recipes so many things might be lost in translation. After that incident, I kept to more traditional Nepal offerings and didn't have a problem. My favorite food in the mountains were the potatoes. I would have a side of potatoes with almost every meal from breakfast to dinner. Potatoes are the only crops that can survive in the nutrient deficient mountain soils, harsh temperatures and little water. They were so freaking delicious. Descending back to Lukla, I was finally able to eat meat and drink beer. The chicken was a bit dry but the tasty Everest beer helped wash it down.

Superhuman Sherpas: As stated earlier, we had a sherpa porter to carry our extra gear while we had our daypacks with extra layers, water, snacks, med kit, camera, ect. Spare clothing, sleeping bag, ect went with the sherpa. Before you lambaste me for hiring one, understand that I do have experience backpacking so I know exactly what 45lbs on the back feels like. I also know that this hike is no joke with the terrain and altitude. Also, by hiring a porter, you are helping their economy (I also tipped $158 to my Sherpa, so I'm not a senseless, uncaring American tourist) For my tri-dork friends, 4 time World Ironman Chrissie Wellington spent 16 months working in Nepal where she mountain biked through the Himalayas. There is a reason why the Sherpa people are world re-known & unsurpassed for their strength and endurance in the mountains. They are uniquely & genetically gifted for high altitude and they leverage this to try to provide a better life for their families by carrying huge loads up and down the mountains (paid by weight). Rusha, our sherpa was completely invaluable and an integral piece to us not dying. I could count on 2 hands the number of tourist trekkers that carried their own packs. Kudos to them with their fancy $200+ Osprey backpack with weight distributing straps and air flow vent (I can be snarky b/c I own said fancy gear) but the sherpa's were the true "superhumans". They carried massive loads with nothing more than rope, baskets & straps across their forehead while walking slightly bent over. The trail that we trekked is not only for tourists but it is the only way for supplies (everything from lumbers, food, goods) to get to the remote mountain villages via the backs of sherpas, yaks or mules. The terrain is so rugged, there are no paved roads and completely impassable by motor vehicles. Saw everything from gallons of fluids (maybe petrol?), water reservoirs, lumber, multiple slabs of plywood, and even a fucking fridge! Absolutely mind blowing the physical stamina and strength that they have. I think IM athletes are badass but the Sherpa's blow any endurance athlete out of the water and make even the super active and fit groups of our society look like a bunch of fucking posers. My aunt who has survived the Vietnam War, poverty, and knows what hard labor is but even she bowed down to their unparalleled stamina and was in awe of Himalayan mountain peoples backbreaking work ethic.

Stay tuned for part II of my Nepal adventure.......................

T minus.........HOLY F@CK!

"When we tire of well worn ways, we seek for new. This restless craving in the souls of men spurs them to climb, and to seek the mountain view." ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox (American poet & writer 1850-1919)

A Restless Soul: The itch to travel has been burning pretty badly (no it's not an STD). I might have a slight addiction........ The pull of my wanderlust is the constant tugging of my soul, leading my mind and body to travel, search, and explore as much of this world as I can. I have this internal drive that is constantly wanting more, persistent in the pursuit of the next trip, the next adventure, an irresistible craving for the next taste of adrenaline. I love that excitement, that giddiness and the exploration of something that is completely different from the mundane, mediocre existence of everyday work life.......I  am constantly yearning for that rush (it's probably why I find relationships so boring and one of the many reasons I suck at them, ha!). I wonder if methadone will help? Good thing my trip to Nepal is almost here. That should provide a nice fix....................for a while.

Bubble Guts!: The logistics of the trip have been pretty daunting, from the airline travel, the trek, gear packing, culture research, bills at home that need to be paid while I'm a way, ect.....and today it officially hit me like a train. I'm doing this. I am so amped up about this trip but at the same time nervous about a gazillion things that could go wrong. I'm usually not a huge worry-wort but little second guesses are on the fringe of being full blown panic attacks. My asthma has always been my albatross around my neck. As a kid, I used to be pretty sickly and my Dr. had to write me a note excusing me of all physical activity. Eventually, I got it under control but it likes to rear it's ugly head at inopportune times. I know altitude affects me more than most, so I saw my Immunologist for lung function tests to make sure I wasn't going to pass out at 18,000+ ft. But I worry that my asthma will pop up and force me to retreat from going further/higher. Also, I am an absolute clutz....I worry that I'll slip and fall. Needless to say.......I bought emergency medi-vac insurance. I don't plan on using it, but just in case I break a leg and need to be life flighted out or worse......die. Welp, I'm coming home one way or another. Kind of freaking out about my luggage that contains all my gear. I know it's just "gear" but to a gear whore....that is some of my most prized possessions! Oh, and that gear is going to keep my ass warm in the Himalayas. I'm nervous of delays that will keep me from my adventure! (My OCP is totally schitzing out) *sigh* I know I can't do anything about it but these are a few of random worries. Oh well.

Why Nepal?: I've been asked a few times, "why Nepal?" Why travel to a 3rd world country and spend 15 days trekking up and down mountains, gasping for breath  (the altitude is going to be a bitch), putting my body through the ringer and spending nights in basic tea houses without the comforts of modern conveniences? Well......why the hell not? I've done a cruise, an all inclusive resort, I've visited lots of cities and that kind of traveling bores me now. I'm not hating on those that prefer to lay around a beach drinking Mai Tais; because, I like laying out on the beach sipping fruity drinks too, but I'm just too hyper active to spend my entire vacation doing that. I'll lay around on a beach for days at a time when my body is too crippled & broken to tear up more physical activities. So back to Nepal......I was doing research on a big international hiking trip because last year I traveled only in the continental US. There are so many beautiful places in the US to see but I was wanting something with a little more exotic flair. I was originally looking at Peru (Machu Pichu) or Chile (Patagonia) and I realized for the money I could go to Nepal and trek the Everest region. Now, I still want to visit Peru & Chile but the siren song of Nepal was just too great and I couldn't pass this up. I love traveling. The more badass the adventure, the better (closet adrenaline junkie, remember?). I'm always looking to go further, higher, harder......it's that restlessness in me that is never satisfied. If there isn't a possibility of getting hurt, or if it seems too "easy", I'm not really interested (apparently I'm a glutton for pain). I love researching the logistics, planning and figuring everything out. I love experiencing something completely new and immersing myself in different cultures. I want to see and get a true perspective on how the Nepalese people live. I love losing myself in the awe, splendor & power of nature and the Himalaya's are the pinnacle of towering peaks. Mother nature will always have the final say, no matter how prepared or physically fit you are; however, I love the exertion, the mental fortitude, the tenacity it takes, the high and sense of accomplishment when done. I love seeing sights that most will not or cannot do. On average, most tourists will only venture 1-2 miles from main roads. The further away from main roads, the better. This is my passion. This is why I work, to pay for my travels and adventures. This is my addiction. Traveling is my escape from the mundane and boring routine of life (plus I live in ugly N. Texas), to get away from the bullshit and headache of our idiotic & self entitled society. Staying home would be a lot cheaper, so if I'm dropping a few thousand dollars on a trip, it is going to be completely different from what I can find in the metromess.

Shout Outs: This is going to sound silly & sappy, but I have to voice my appreciation. In these times of economic uncertainty and with many people suffering from financial hardships: worrying about how to pay bills, put food on the table, ect....... I am completely grateful that my biggest worry is if my luggage will be under weight limit or not. My trip wouldn't be possible (or as easily done) without my friends & family. I'm fortunate to have the financial freedom and time off to take this trip, and wouldn't have this ability without my position at Valpak of Dallas. I am truly lucky to be surrounded by amazing, positive people who worry about my well being but support me in all my endeavors (no matter how crazy they seem). My family, I know you sometimes think I'm nuts (and that I'm going to be an old maid) but thank you for always encouraging me, no matter what. Mr. Sandbagger (Derek)-thank you so much for my Nepal going away care package. My bosses (Lane & Vivian)- thank you for allowing me to chase my passions with abandon and keeping me around. My clients- who turned in all their ads, orders and payments early so I wouldn't have to worry about them when I'm gone. My BFF's (in no particular order): 1.) Mrs. Worry Wort - thank you for always worrying about my safety whether it be traveling or making sure I don't get hurt on my numerous dates and who is taking care of my mail. It's nice to know someone is always looking out for me 2.) Mrs. Work Boo - my sweet & ridiculously goofy co-worker who is backing me up (please remember my "buttering up" gift when work gets hectic :) thanks for always being so bubbly at work and not pouting too much at my multiple absences due to traveling 3.) Mr. Bike Snob - thanks for all our bike rides, great work-outs, fun times soaking up the sun & being outside but good therapy too. Also, thanks for taking me to the airport (saving a bundle not parking at the garage) and hooking me up to finally get my scratches & dents fixed on my car. Then, to everyone else who has wished me well and safe travels.....THANK YOU. One life to live......let's do this.

Field Notes

Since breaking up with Mr. Rock Climber, I've been on 10 dates. There was even one weekend I decided to go on 3 dates, with 3 different guys, in 3 days back to back to back. Yeah, I literally had a triathlon of dates. Endurance athlete = endurance dating. Don't worry, I've been training hard, had a game plan, executed it perfectly, and nailed my nutrition and hydration. I even took a page out of triathlon/backpacking training.....made sure I tested out all outfits before. Nothing new on race date day. ;)

So for February & March.....here are a few of my "Field Notes" on my research:

Date 1-Liquid Diet: I understand that first dates can be slightly intimidating and all....but when you down 8 bourbons on the rocks in a couple of hours....I'm going to think you are an alcoholic. When you tell me how nervous you are, I am completely empathetic and I respect the honesty. Don't get me wrong, I like my wine and beer, but these days I don't need to get plowed at dinner. When you tell me you also have a flask on you and thats why you've been going to the men's room so often, is to chug more whiskey.....now I KNOW you are an alcoholic. Yes, I am judging you on how much you drink. I am no longer impressed by how many alcoholic beverages you can consume before vomiting or how long you can do a keg stand for. Try college girls if that is the best game you got.

Date 3-Stealth Attack: I know making moves on the female kind is a little scary, but please......for the love of all that is holy and sacred, if you're not sure if your physical overtures will be welcomed or not, just F'ing ask. Do not grab me by the hips and pull me on to your lap as I'm walking away....1.) I am not a F'ing lap dog.  2.) Nor am I a stripper trying to give you a lap dance....that is me flailing desperately to get off and escape from your clammy clutches. Now since I did not reciprocate any of your advances and feel wholly violated, all I want to do is go home. So, again......do not grab me as I'm trying to get in my car, wrap me in a bear hug and start mugging down on me. (becasue I was trying to avoid his lips on mine, I kept moving my head around trying to get away-I felt like he was slobbering all over my face and he was about to eat me.) Gross. Since trying to push you away wasn't sending the message to your oafish brain.......how about an elbow to the throat? Yep. That did the trick......how'd my bony ass elbow feel right into the wind pipe? Seriously?! WTF is up with the stealth attacks from behind? Don't have enough balls to attack me while facing me? Not cool. He was lucky I didn't pull the T combo on him.....it's what I call my "spray & shank". (spray face full of mace and a knife in the gut) Yes, I carry mace and a knife in my Louis Vuitton purse and if you get blood on my LV purse you owe me a new one.

Intermission: When I'm on vacation, please don't blow up my phone. I'm on vacation trying to enjoy my limited time away from work and the metromess. If you send me a couple of texts and I don't answer back, that means I'm either busy or ignoring you. That does not mean to send me 20 text messages in a row to get my attention. I got it the first time around, I don't need 19 more messages telling me the same damn thing. I don't give a shit that you miss me. Isn't it obvious I don't feel the same because I haven't even replied? I'm out having fun and ENJOYING my vacation......just because I vacation alone does not mean I'm lonely and pining over your sorry ass. When I finally get home and I tell you we are just better off as friends......don't send me a video of you singing a love song. Lame. You are lucky I'm not a complete bitch because I could have posted that shit online and made you a YouTube star. I did show my BF's though, so I have eyewitnesses.

Date 6-Getting Chicked: I understand that first impressions are important and that men want to impress women with how "manly" they are. I'm fairly adventurous and active so I would love to find a guy that has similar passions. So this particular first date, I was pretty excited because my date threw this at me:

Date: "So, I'm a very avid outdoorsman, love traveling and going on adventures and constantly on the go because I want to see as much of the world as I can. I'm at home in the back country completely roughing it. Need to find someone that can hang, so do you think you are up for the challenge?"


Alright! Now this is what I'm talking about. It's definitely hard to find guys that aren't a bunch of metro-sexual, affliction wearing, 30k douche bag wussies in the metroplex. So, I of course excitedly ask him about his latest "adventure" because he said he just got back in town from camping.

Date: "Yeah, I apologize if I'm a bit tired. I camped out at Lake Texoma and my legs are sooooo shredded from the 5 miles of hiking I did this weekend."


*Initial excitement starts to fade*

Me: "Oh, Lake Texoma, huh? I went there a few times in college. So you hiked in 5 miles and then camped?" 

Date: "Nah. I set up camp first and then went on a 5 mile hike."

*confused face*

Me: "So.......you didn't carry all your gear in with you?"

Date: "Oh no. I have way too much stuff. My SUV was loaded to the brim with firewood, cooler, speaker system, gear and ect."

*excitement has officially plummeted*

Me: "So, you car camped."

I continue to ask about his other "adventures" and travels that he has been on and come to find out he has only been to Canada and Taos, NM to ski. He def has me on skiing and snowboarding but he over inflated his outdoor & traveling studliness. He only car camps around TX and goes with 5-11 other people with a longest hike of 5 miles in a day. Which, there is nothing wrong with car camping or a 5 mile hike but when you throw out words like "avid outdoorsman", "explore the world", "at home completely roughing it in the back country" and "can you hang?".......my expectations are of Bear Grylles trapeising around the world hopping from one crazy outdoor adventure to the next and you also just threw down a challenge for me. Anybody that knows me, knows that if you throw down the gauntlet at my feet.....you better get the hell out of my way if you know what is good for you.

Date: *now a little irritated at my lack of interest in his stories* "So, what have you done?"

What? Oh...... Game. On. I proceeded to tell him a few of my adventures........needless to say he got chicked. Big time.

I'm not saying I am the most outdoorsy or adventurous person out there. I feel like I still have a lot more to learn and experience but when you gloat about being an "avid outdoorsman" and then ask if I can hang? But all you do is car camp? Failboat. That's like me bragging that I'm an avid golfer, but just play putt putt every once in awhile. I pretty much T-bagged him with my bigger cajones. Yeah, I just said that.....what?


Men, take note. Things not to do (actual things that have happened):
1.) No video's of you singing love songs......unless you are Justin Timberlake.
2.) No pictures of your man hood. Anticipation is half the fun.
3.) Do not blow up my phone if I don't answer immediately. I have a full time job and active life.
4.) Don't get jealous that I hang out with other men. One of my bff's is a guy and he is my riding partner, which means we spend many hours together riding.....bikes, not each other so keep the jealousy down.
5.) Don't fish for lots of compliments. If you need your ego constantly stroked, it just shows how insecure you are.
6.) Do not maul me or I might be forced use the "T combo".
7.) Do not order for me. I'm a big girl and can order my own food thanks.
8.) Do not over inflate your accomplishments nor underestimate me, and when you get chicked, take it like a man.
9.) Do not try to get on my bike or spin the cranks.....there are only 3 people allowed to touch my bike. That is myself, Mr. Bike Snob (Jason), and Gary (bike fitter). Yes, I'm anal retentive and have OCD.
10.) Don't ask me for my opinion and then get butt hurt if you can't handle my bluntness & honesty. I tell it how I see it.

Personal Lessons:
So, what have I learned through my marathon of dates (besides that I ate really well)? I've met some really cool guys that I would love to stay friends with (nothing wrong with being friend zoned) but I've also run into some jerks that kind of turn me off to the opposite sex. It takes that right mixture of timing, chemistry and attraction, ect for me to want to be in a relationship. After this last block of dating, and being really honest with myself....I'm perfectly happy being alone right now. Actually, I really excel being alone (because I don't have to compromise :P). I usually feel weighed down and hindered when in a relationship anyways (except for one). So, that tells me that I shouldn't waste my time in a relationship if it doesn't feel right in the early stages. I'm going to take a break (my asshole friends will have to find amusement somewhere else) since I'm about to be out of the country for almost 3 weeks on my yeti hunt (aka Nepal trip!!!! T minus 12 days!!!) Like I said, not in any rush and I already live a full happy life without a significant other.

My Message:
To my single friends.....don't ever settle because you're scared to be alone. Don't wait to chase your dreams & passions. Just go for it. Almost every one of my dates have told me this same line to varying degrees:

"I've always wanted to do "X", but don't have anybody to do it with. So that's why I haven't done it yet"  

Whaaat!? When I hear men say this, I automatically think: "Stop being a little bitch and do it." What I'm trying to so eloquently say is, don't wait to live life. Learn to be happy on your own, live the life that you want NOW and when the right person comes, they will help enhance your happiness. So many people think that getting a gf/bf/fiance/ect is the only way to be happy and experience life. You only have one life to live and it's too short to spend it waiting around and being unhappy.

Dating is like........

Making your way through a minefield. How do you proceed? Cautiously and carefully trying to avoid all explosives that might hurt you? With a mine detector to alert you to impending doom? Or rush right in with complete disregard on what you step on? You could possibly step on a mine that will blow you up to smithereens or trip upon a dud and land on your face. But what do you find once you get past the minefield? Apparently, I like playing in the minefield.....I run back and forth, back and forth. Hell, I might as well set up shop and sell Gatorade to all the other contenders. :)

I find myself constantly torn between wanting to date seriously and not. I'm a strange (sweaty-she) beast, I know. I may or may not have slight commitment issues. Ok, big may. One of the many reasons: I was in a rocky, tumultuous 6 year relationship with my college bf, Mr. Onion Hater. I was miserable, he was miserable and if we would had stayed together and gotten married *shudder* it would have been just F'ing terrible for both of us. We met our Freshmen year in college and at the time we had similar interests (i.e. drinking & partying) and ran in the same circle of friends, got into the usual college freshmen shenanigans. We were that drama filled couple with obnoxiously loud screaming fights. Punches may or may not have been thrown at one point or another. Many broken cell phones, holes in walls, got exiled from his Frat house, lot's of nasty things said, ect.  If there was a list of top 10 couples for fighting and drama at our college, we would taken dis-honorable mention slot # 2. I am an absolute terror when pissed off and he knew exactly what buttons to push me over the edge. A lot of the drama and fighting were due to my insecurities, massive amounts of alcohol, and lack of maturity on both ends. It was really my first serious relationship. It wasn't all horrible, I won't go into details but we should have broken up a lot sooner. I have no regrets, learned so much from that relationship, about myself, men and commitment in general. That relationship ending was one of the best things that has happened to me. At the time of the break up I was so clouded in anger and grief I couldn't see that, but now in hindsight, it really was. Seriously.....I can't even fathom being in that relationship again. Ever. I would rather spoon my eyes out with a plastic spork.

I find myself single at the beginning of 2012 (pattern much?). Ok, so I didn't "find" myself in this position, I chose to be single. Mr. Rock Climber was really sweet and we had a lot of fun but it just didn't work out, so I ended it after a few months. Where as Mr. Alaska seemed so perfect on paper, Mr. Rock Climber was all wrong on paper, but I wanted to try something different. He and I came from two different worlds, two different educational backgrounds, two different socio-economic classes, two different views on life, just too different. He was really a good person, hard working and good morals. He had a son, and usually that is a big red flag for me but I decided to give it a shot. Hey, I'm all about trying things once in life. I must have had a BIG mental lapse. Yeah......I'm sooooo not ready to be "stepmom T". Seriously, what the hell was I even thinking? I don't even like kids and refer them as "fuck trophies". To be very frank, I really wasn't fully emotionally invested in this relationship (yes, my BF's called me out on it) although, I rarely am fully emotionally invested in most relationships. I may or may not be slightly emotional stunted (walls much?). I probably didn't go about the break-up very smoothly or gracefully (I'm not exactly known for my timing or word choice) but break-ups are rough and not fun for either party. Ok, I was the asshole this time around. There, I said it.

I have no problem hiking out in the back country alone, jumping out of a perfectly good airplane, or leaping off a cliff into water that I have no idea how deep it is........but the thought of being stuck in a miserable marriage, raising 2.5 children and a labadoodle is absolutely terrifying for me. Not having the ability to chase after my passions scare the hell out of me. I don't care how nice or big the gilded cage is......if I don't have the freedom & independence to do what I want, I'll suffocate. After each relationship, I become more & more fiercely protective of my independence and freedom.  Besides my job, me, myself & I.......I pretty much don't have any other responsibilities. I'm selfish.....I totally admit that. I like being able to do what I want with my free time and money. I don't do very well with being told what to do or "no" (just ask my poor wonderful boss....haha). But under all the jaded cynicism, I know I'll find that one right guy who fits me in all of my eccentric glory to share my life and adventures with. I'm not one to settle and I know I can be picky. I'm not looking for Mr. Money bags, a knight in shining armor or a super model, but I have a pretty good idea on what I don't want. Not in any rush. A wise man once told me it's not the destination but the journey, so this could be a long F'ing ride! ;)

I'm back in the dating scene and already in a couple of months I've provided my best friends with a plethora of outrageous and entertaining stories. I swear they keep me around as the token single friend for sheer amusement. Assholes. I need new friends.

Stay tuned for "boots heels on the ground" research.........

Oklahoma 3/17-3/18

"OOOOk-lahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain,
And the wavin' wheat can sure smell sweet, When the wind comes right behind the rain"

This was just a short trip to see a dear old sorority sister, Mrs. No Gallbladder (Amanda had hers removed in college) whom I hadn't seen in almost three years. We were not only sorority sisters but we were also room mates our Junior & Senior years. Funny back story........ Junior year we decided to room with 2 other sorority sisters at the time, in a 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom college apartments called Sun Watcher Square. I didn't really know MNG all that well because we ran in different cliques in sorority at the time. I was taking summer classes so I was able to move in a bit earlier and the room originally assigned to me was not to my liking. Soooo, I took MNG's because I liked it better (I know....I'm such a brat). She moved in a few days after I did and I had already settled in.....conversation happened like this:

MNG: "Hey.....ummm.......you know you are in my room, right?"
Me: "Yeah, I know. I took it"
MNG: "Uh.................*silence* ok"

Now mind you, MNG is 6 feet tall and has a pretty intimidating scowl and could have probably easily squished me like a bug. That move was pretty terrible, I know. I wonder how I have friends sometimes. Anyways, even after bullying my new roomie and stealing her room, we became best buds. (I later made up for it by giving her the bigger master bed room in our apt our Sr year).

Anyways, she was there to celebrate her Mother's 50th B-day and asked me to come on up to play.  Took about 3 hours to make the drive to OKC where I got to catch up with MNG. Did some shopping at the outlet malls (found a super hot dress for Vegas at BCBG!!!) and ate at some hole in the wall Mexican joint that had the best freaking sopapillas!!!! Mouth O!!! We hit up Bricktown (OKC hotspot) for some St. Patty's day fun. Chilled, listened to a mediocre cover band and watched the drunken idiots make asses of themselves. Apparently, St. Patty's is the spring "Halloween" where it is acceptable to wear lingerie as outerwear. Ugh.......I'm getting old and (more) ornery. Later that night we hit up OKC Cowboy with her mom and her group of best friends. Can I tell you they were a freaking riot? I haven't been to a country bar in ages........$4.25 for a double top shelf vodka and soda & quarter beers......WINNING! Duh. That tab was awesome........reminded me back of good 'ole college prices. After a while we got hungry and decided that Taco C sounded a lot more appealing than the bar and grabbed some dirty (but tasty) fast food across the street. Great quick weekend trip to see a great friend.

Smoky Mountain Trip Report: 2/23/12-2/27/12

First trip of 2012! Woo!

Summer and Fall are busy season in Great Smoky Mtn National Park with over 9 million visitors coming through a year. (Random Fact: GSMNP is one of the only FREE NP's in the system: http://www.nps.gov/grsm/planyourvisit/whyfree.htm) My expectations of finding solitude were non-existent even coming in during the "off season", but I wanted to see the Smoky's dammit!

Flew into Knoxville and picked up my *snicker* bitchin wheels. A Kia Soul. Yeah.....well, I Hotwired it for $14 a day! I decided to stay in a hotel this go around because I am not completely comfortable in my winter backpacking skills especially alone. My adventure into Northern NM last year where we ran into 2-3 feet of snow in the higher elevations showed how badly lacking my winter backpacking skills are. I still have a lot to learn for cold weather backpacking. Anyways, last year was a really bad winter for most of the East Coast. I had decided on doing this trip in February back in December  and didn't know what the weather conditions would be like. This year has been a fairly mild winter for the lower 48 due to La Nina.

Pigeon Forge: a petri dish of tacky themed restaurants & entertainment advertised by bright gaudy neon blinking signs that were about to give me seizures. Pretty much, Las Vegas's smaller, less sophisticated, uglier, un-popular, red-headed 7th cousin. I get it......it's a tourist trap for families with 2.5 children. Anyways, I already booked my hotel here (free with my points) so I was stuck. No matter, I pretty just much slept and ate here.

Day 1: Noah Bud Ogle, Twin Creek, Sugarland Trails

Got into PF, got checked in early at noon (Priority Member....Woot!), dropped of my stuff, grabbed my gear and off to the trails I went! Now I am an A+++, anal retentive person. I am usually the person that researches the hell out of everything, has a list of places I want to see, eat, ect. Not this time around. I didn't even trip advise my hotel (Holiday Inn Express are pretty consistent though), I def did not know that Pigeon Forge was an atrocity to the senses......well, if I researched it I would have found that Dollyland was located there and that would have clued me in. Anyways, I didn't even really know what hikes I wanted to do. I had a tentative list, my trusty Falcon Guide book on GSMNP trails and my Iphone to navigate. I literally picked one out of the book and drove there. I got to the parking lot and there wasn't a single car! The first hike wasn't stunning with mountain vistas or leg shredding elevation, but it was nice, peaceful and quiet. The trail followed a stream and had some replica's of old pioneer buildings. Most exciting thing I saw were wild turkeys! Gobble-gobble! I did 4 miles and didn't see a single soul until I got back to a car when a minivan from Louisiana pulled up and 3 kids came spilling out. (Phew. Everyone knows how much I love kids!) I got back in the car and decided to stop by the visitor's center for some info and when I got there, there was a sign for a nature trail. Okie dokie, found my next little walk. Did maybe 1.2 miles, very easy relaxing walk to cataract falls and there were a bunch of interpritive plaques along the way.

Day 2: Alum Cave Trail to Mt. Leconte


The first day was literally a walk in the park.....the second day.....not so much. This was one of the hikes that I HAD to do. It is also one of the most popular as well because it has 2 well known interest points. Alum Caves at 4.6 miles round trip and Mt. Leconte Lodge at 11 miles round trip with most people opting for the shorter hike. I knew to beat the crowds I was going to have to hit the trail head early and I knew that this was going to take up most of my day. I made it around 9:00 AM starting at lower elevation at 29 degrees F. Buuurrrr. Nice, I love hiking when it's cold and brisk out. I actually found some solitude which was quite surprising given the reputation of how crowded this hike gets. I passed a couple of hikers and a few passed me but it wasn't the theme park line I thought it was going to be. Met some nice people on the trail and chatted a bit. Just a perfect day for a hike, went my own pace, stopped to take pictures, just enjoyed being outside and soaked in the scenery. The hike to Alum Cave was pretty gentle and followed a river for the most part. Lot's of bridge crossings but nothing too technical. After Alum Caves, the real fun started. The climb got noticeably steeper and parts of the trail had some ice. YESSSSS! Micro crampon time! One of my favorite pieces of gear! :) About 2- miles from the summit, I met a father and daughter from FL chugging along to the top. The

daughter was about 9 years old and was sooo freaking cute and was a little hiking machine. Now, I don't normally like kids, but this one was a girl after my own heart. Stubborn, tenacious, outdoorsy and blunt. Kind of reminds me of someone.......They were really nice so I decided to hike with them to the top (plus there were signs warning of bear activity......). The father was an engineer and had hiked the Smokies pretty exclusively so he knew a lot about the area. Got my own personal tour guide, ha! When we got to the top he showed me Myrtle Point, High Top and Cliff Top (which I would not have known about) that added a couple of miles to the standard 11 miles to Leconte Lodges. The actual summit of Mt Leconte is pretty anti-climatic.....it is literally a big pile of rocks. The story is, some people wanted Mt. Leconte to be the highest peak in the Smokies (currently 3rd) and some good humored hikers started piling rocks at the summit. The real views are found at Myrtle Point and Cliff Tops with sweeping vistas of the Smoky Mountains. While hiking I usually build up a sweat....no, seriously....I am a sweaty sweaty she beast. I was in a few layers, no thermals (because I wanted to test out some new "hiking" panties and just didn't think about how cold it would be at elevation, doh!), light gloves, neck gaiter, beanie and was ok hiking up. When I made it to the top where the mountain was exposed like Cliff Top, the winds were howling 20-30 miles, air temp at 17 degrees and wind chill feel like temps at 0. Ugh....not one of my brightest moments. Winds felt like little pin needless stabbing my legs and butt, my hands had gone numb.....can we say "asking for hypothermia"? I also got summit fever and the closer we got to the top the less I drank and I hadn't eaten anything yet (which is weird b/c I'm always hungry). Needless to say after a harrowing steep decent down the iced over trail from Cliff Tops, I was freezing and starving. We found a picnic table by the lodges, where I finally put on my thicker gloves, down jacket and rain jacket to block out the wind and tore into our food. Since I was doing a poor job of re-hydrating myself, the water in my camelbak hose froze completely solid. Good thing for my back up water bottle (which had ice chips in it as well). I would've killed for a hot drink. It was so cold and windy I inhaled my food and decided to descend without my new found trail friends because my body was starting to go numb sitting there. The decent was pretty fast because I was half jogging to get warmed back up again. I did slip on some ice because of bad footing and I decided to slow my roll. I am incredibly clutzy (I have the grace of a cow on ice) and I do have a healthy dose of fear of slipping on a mountain. It's happened a few times before.....Anyways, made it back safely without any serious incidents. 13+ miles, 2,835 ft of elevation in about 8 hours. It was an amazing day.

 Day 3: Spruce Flat Falls & Gatlinburg

 On day 3, my goal was to do 2 shorter day hikes and explore Gatlinburg for the rest of the day because I knew my legs would probably be pretty shredded from day 2. The night before, I sat down and did some quick research on which hikes to do and I wanted to find waterfalls. First hike of the day was Spruce Flat Falls (not so flat, btw....at least it didn't feel like it) and woke up early to get to the trail head before anybody else. Found the TH,

started off going up hill over a few switchbacks. This particular hike wasn't the most scenic until I hit the waterfalls. I was the only one there. BOOM! Early bird gets the worm. Took off my pack and climbed on the boulders and rocks, played around in the water a bit (it was nippy) and just enjoyed having the falls completely to myself. The sound of rushing water is just really relaxing, I was just listening to the falls and enjoying how peaceful it was. After 30 minutes of enjoying the falls to myself, I decided to head out so I could find my next trail. Last quarter mile of the hike I ran into a line of 20 people headed to the falls. YES! I beat the rush. *bigstupidgrinonmyface*. Hike # 2 was Grotto Falls, and as I got to the road to turn onto it was closed. Mother F*$%er! Big failboat on my part.......hiking guide clearly states trail is closed until mid March. I blame my blind crappy, slanty, asian eyes. *Sigh* At this point I was a bit frustrated and hungry so I decided to just head to Gatlinburg to eat and explore. Had a stack of waffles and ham, then headed down the main street of Gatlinburg. Gatlinburg wasn't as garish as PF, but there were herds hoards lot's of F'ing people, mmmkay? I literally went from fudge & candy shop to fudge & candy shop sampling my way through Gatlinburg. O.M.G. Fresh fudge and candy are the BOMB-diggity. I don't even know how many mouth orgasm's I had. After a few hours of wandering the streets, a tummy ache from eating my way through the town, legs were screaming, and made a big dent in my wallet buying sweets for my friends & family, I decided to head back to the my hotel at PF.

Day 4: Chimney Tops

This was my last day in the Smokey's and I was hell bent determined in getting one last mini-adventure before heading back to the metromess. My flight didn't leave until 4:10 PM so I knew if I woke up early enough I could squeeze one last hike. I had already arranged a late check out (priority member= princess get's her way) so I could still clean up after my hike. The other hike I knew I "had" to do, was Chimney Tops, another of one of the most popular hikes in the park. Not super long at 4 miles RT, but the elevation gain was 1,700+ in the first 2 miles and the scramble/rock climb to the summit had me intrigued. I decided to do this on Monday morning as opposed to the weekend based on Falcon Guide's advice because I had read it could get very crowded and to beat the masses: 1.) go during off season, 2.) on a weekday, 3.) early in the morning. Headed out early after breakfast and found myself alone on the trail again. Who says you can't find solitude in the busiest national park in the US?

Pffft. Lot's of river crossings and the first mile was a "gentle" uphill. At 1.1 miles, it all changes. That was a seriously tough .9 miles and with over 25 miles in my legs, they were a little pissed off. Other than my legs giving me the big middle finger, I felt pretty strong. I swear whoever designed this trail has never heard of a switchback. By the time you hit a couple of switchbacks your are already close to the top and it levels out. Kind of evil. Besides me cursing like usual, this hike was beautiful. I got to the base of Chimney Tops and time for the final push. Now on a normal, good weather day this climb is pretty harrowing for the non uber climbers. This particular day was cloudy, foggy and misty (trailhead sign warns of dangers of climbing the Tops when rock is wet). Ummm, I did not bust my ass and hike all the way up there not to make it to the top. I was going for it. To hell with warnings, danger signs and common sense. I sometimes have more balls than brains. I strapped my poles to my pack, tightened the straps and up I went. I'm a very beginner rock climber and feel pretty comfortable on the walls with harness, ropes and a belayer. Erm. I had

me, myself and I. To make things worse (besides the slick wet rock) I was a little unbalanced with my day pack and big chunky hiking boots don't really allow me to smear or get my foot in the right position and I wasn't tied down to anything. So if I fell, it would've probably hurt.....a lot. Yeah, I had the epiphany half way up. After a few close calls and life flashing before my eye moments, I made it to the top. Breathtaking. (ok, that might have been mostly the climb). Not the ideal day to see the surrounding mountains with low visibility due to fog but I was so happy to have made it to the top without breaking my neck and I had the summit completely to myself! I don't know how to explain the rush of adrenaline, endorphin, and dopamine bombarding me. I love that feeling, that intensity coursing through my veins, all senses heightened, tingling sensation all over my body. I was literally high on life, as cliche as that is. As I was being introspective, the sensation was only deepened by the fact that I did it alone (again) and I reveled in the fact that I am completely at ease by myself, in my own skin, in my own thoughts and love who I am for all my flaws and weaknesses. (I'm slightly confident....what?). If I were a dude, I probably would have had a hard on with how freaking happy I was in that particular moment. I sat on top with the biggest damn grin on my face, just so stoked to have the health & means to see and experience all that I do and once again reflected on another amazing trip.